Two wishes
by Joyce3
Summary: Buffy gets a chance to change the outcome of her life. Story is complete.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Two wishes

Author: Joyce

E-mail: funxx18@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Joss owns all the people used in this story. I only own the idea for 

this story.

Summary: Buffy gets a chance to change the outcome of her life.

This takes place in season six. After the first time Buffy and Spike had 

sex. So spoilers are up until that point. Oh, and just so you know, this is a 

Buffy/Xander story. Since that is the couple I keep cheering for. Of course it's 

cheering against hope... But who knows, maybe Joss will wake up someday. Soon.

Also, thank you for the kind reviews after my first story. I will remember the 

good advice I was given. First of all, I will never use the word 'plaster' again 

in a story ! Except for now in this note. Second, I will try to make this story 

a bit less fluffy. Off course, I get a bit carried away at times, but I will 

still try... Oke, on with the fic. 

Chapter 1

Making the right wishes

Sunnydale CA. Buffy's house. (11.00 A.M)

Buffy just got out of the shower. Trying to scrub away the feeling of Spike on 

her skin. Of course she had no such luck. She could still feel him on every part 

of her body. And the bruises and marks she had all over her body didn't make it 

easy to forget either. She looked at herself in the mirror, disgusted. She 

couldn't believe she had done what she had done last night. And, as if to make 

matters worse, not one time. No, she had done it a lot of times. With Spike. How 

the hell did that happen... She just couldn't remember ever being at a lower 

point in her life. Sighing, she finally got out of the shower.Going into her 

room to get dressed. She was just finished with that when the doorbell rang. 

Walking down the stairs she opened the door. To see a demon standing on her 

doorstep. He was green, he had two little horns and he had on a very ugly suit. 

He was also smiling at her.

'Hi, I'm Lorne and before you start hitting me, you should know something. I am 

very tight with the LA gang. You know, Cordy, your ex-watcher Wesly, your 

ex-lover Angel... I think you know the gang. And by the by, Angel was right. You 

are pretty. Can I come in ?'

Before Buffy could say anything back he stepped into her house. Making himself 

comfortable in one of the chairs in the livingroom. He looked around.

'I like what you done with this place. Nice decorating. It looks homey.'

She kept staring at him. He was beginning to get uncomfortable.

'You're not very willing to talk, are you. Of course I wouldn't be either, 

having just spend the night having sex with a thing I loaded, but really....that 

doesn't give you an excuse to ignore your guests. Especially, considering I came 

all the way from LA for you.'

She finally found her voice. 'Oke..ehhh...Lorne. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ? And how 

come you know about me and... how come you know what I did last night ?'

'It's my job to know these things. And The Powers That Be told me last night 

that you were at the lowest point of your life. I mean, c'mon, I've never met 

this Spike guy, but Angel doensn't think he's a swell guy. Really honey, what 

were you thinking ?

She blushed. 'I wasn't thinking. Are you happy now. I was being a stupid, 

unthinking slayer. But you still haven't told me why you're here. And what does 

this has to do with the Powers That Be ?'

'Well, as you might have picked up on, I'm a demon. But a good one. I have a 

club in LA. It's nice, you should see it some time. Anyway, I let people sing on 

stage and I'm able to sort of read them when they sing. But, once a year I get 

called by the Powers.'

'For what ?'

'To help a human sort out life. You see, some times people get themselves in a 

mess. Most of the time they're able to get out of it alone. Or with the help of 

friends. But, there are also cases in which the human doesn't solve it himself. 

He just isn't able too. So, once a year I get to help a person sort out the mess 

they have made. And lucky you, you won the jackpot this time.'

'So... you're here to help me figure out my life. Make it better ?'

'Yeah, that's it, honey. You get to have two wishes. And I will make sure your 

wishes come true. Just one catch. I can't send you back to the heaven you came 

from and I can't raise the dead.'

'So I get two wishes, but I can't go back to the place where I was happiest and 

I can't have my mom back. Then, really, what's the point ?'

'The point is that you need to be happy in this world again. And, well, you are 

the slayer. You being unhappy doesn't make you better at your job. And since the 

world often depends on you, the Powers found it wise to help you this year.'

'You can take your wishes and go. I don't need help.'

'First of all, you don't have a choice in the matter. To make sure you make the 

wishes the Powers have Dawn and Willow at the moment. They're not hurt, but 

don't think they won't hurt them if you decide not to make the wishes. And 

second of all, you don't need help? C'mon honey, I've seen corpes happier.'

Buffy looked at the demon with rage. 'You have Dawn and Willow ? Holding them 

hostage ? How can you stand there and pretend that you're good. That doesn't 

sound good to me.'

'I know, and believe me, that wasn't my idea. But the Powers felt you needed a 

bit of persuasion. They were afraid that you wouldn't do it otherwise. But, like 

I said before, they are not hurt. And once you make the wishes they won't even 

remember being taken as hostages.'

'How do I know if your telling the truth ?'

Lorne snapped his fingers and a screen appeared. Floating in the middle of the 

living room. On the screen was a white room, and in the middle of the room where 

Willow and Dawn. Both on a bed, asleep.

'You see, they haven't hurt them. Now, please make the wishes. Because if you 

don't, then they will hurt them and I will feel guilty and that affects my 

voice. And I need to sing. C'mon honey, help them, me and yourself.'

Buffy still looked angry and kept staring at the screen for a long time. 'Fine, 

I'll make the dam wishes.'

Lorne looked relieved. 'Oh, one more thing. The wishes have to revolve around 

you or people in your life. So you can't get off easy and wish for world peace 

or something.'

Buffy sighed. A bit dissapointed that she couldn't get out of it the way she 

wanted to. Then an idea formed in her mind. 'Alright. I have a wish.'

Lorne jumped up and down. 'Tell me, tell me. I wanna go home and back to my 

club.'

Buffy took a deep breath. 'I wish that Spike wasn't in love with me.'

Lorne snapped his fingers, and on the screen Dawn disappeared out of the white 

room. 'Done' he said. 'Now, tell me your second, so that we can release Willow 

too.'

Buffy looked a bit confused. 'I don't know anything else.'

'Well, lucky for you I know a way to find out. I want you to sing.'

'Not again, c'mon I just did the musical thing. Why ?'

'When you sing I'm able to set your mind free. Meaning that all boundaries will 

dissapear and only your true desires will be able to surface.'

Frustrated, Buffy started singing 'It's a wonderful world'. Just for the irony. 

Meanwhile Lorne worked his magic. When she stopped singing he looked at her. 

'Now just talk, your mind will tell you what it wants.'

She opened her mouth. 'I wish that Xander never met Anya.'

Lorne snapped his fingers again. Willow dissapeared out of the room. He turned 

to the slayer. 'I'm gonna go now and you will fall into a peaceful sleep for the 

rest of the day. Tomorrow, when you wake up, you'll still remember this and see 

the impact of your wishes. It was nice meeting you sweetie. Sweet dreams.'

He walked out of the door, while Buffy was on the couch, sleeping.

Tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 The Day After

Sunnydale CA Buffy's house (9.00 A.M)

Buffy woke up, yawning. She strechted and looked around her. Confused. She 

couldn't remember falling asleep on the couch, but apperently she did. Images of 

two days ago flashed before her eyes. She and Spike had made lo...No, they've 

had sex. No love involved here. Thinking of Spike she suddenly had a feeling she 

had been dreaming about him. And about Willow and Dawn in a white room, and some 

green guy... She laughed at herself, thinking that she was getting crazier every 

day. Looking at the time she realised that Dawn was late for school again.

She raised her voice. 'DAWN, YOU NEED TO GET READY FOR SCHOOL !'

'Ehhh, Buff, I already drove her to school. But you were sleeping and we didn't 

want to wake you up. So we were quiet little mouses.'

Buffy turned around to see Alexander 'Xander' Harris coming into the livingroom, 

carrying a plate stocked with food.

He grinned at her. 'I hope you don't mind, but I forgot to go shopping again. 

And before you tell me again, yes, I'm a terrible bachelor.'

Buffy blinked. 'B-B-Bachelor? What do you mean? What about Anya?'

He frowned. 'What? Who is Anya? Buff, are you trying to set me up with someone 

again? Because you know that never works out. The last time you tried that I 

got stuck on a date with some girl who liked watching reruns of Blossom. I mean, 

for the love of God, that's insane!'

Buffy began to realise that maybe the dream hadn't been a dream. In her mind she 

heard herself tell Lorne that she wished that Xander had never met Anya. And, 

well...apperently it had worked. She couldn't figure out for the life of her why 

she made such a stupid wish. Sure, Anya was annoying at times, but she never 

knew she hated her that much. Not enough to wish her gone anyway. But would that 

mean her other wish had been realised too?

'Xand, if you don't mind I gotta get dressed. I need to talk to Spike.'

Xander wondered if everything was ok with his best friend. First she was 

talking about an Anya and now she wanted to go see Spike?

'Buff, you can't go see Spike. Remember? He left almost a year ago when Dru 

came back for him. He went to LA with her, and together with Darla they tried to 

turn Deadboy into his old bad self again.'

Buffy turned around with a shocked expression. 'Angel is evil again?'

Xander was really worried about the slayer now. 'No Buff, they tried, they 

failed. Dru got killed by Angel. And Spike and Darla fled LA. We haven't heard 

from them since. Is everything ok with you?'

Buffy forced a smile. 'Sure Xand, just kidding. Made you worry there!'

Xander's face lit up. 'I'm glad you're at least trying to joke again. You should 

practice some more, but you're trying. Which is good, because happy Buffy makes 

Xander happy. Or something like that.'

She laughed. 'You're sweet, crazy, but sweet. I'm going to take a shower. See 

you later?'

' Yeah, I'm going over to the Magic Box to see Giles. You know, some research he 

likes to frustrate me with. See you there in a little while?'

She nodded and he left. When he was gone she realised that a lot had happened 

since yesterday. Spike was gone, so was Anya and apparently Giles never left. 

And she made that happen. She made her best friend unhappy by wishing for a 

world in which there was no Anya. And for what? Why did she do that? Buffy 

wished she knew.

The Magic Box (10.00 A.M)

Buffy had decided that she would go over to see Giles and tell him what had 

happened. Maybe he could fix it. There had to be a way. Although she wasn't 

exactly sure if she wanted to fix everything. A world without Spike was not all 

that bad. She quickly released that thought, she had done a terrible thing. 

Xander had been happy with Anya and because of her stupid mistake she was gone 

now. And worst of all, Xander didn't even know that he had been happy. She 

needed to fix this, even if that would mean facing Spike again. Entering the 

Magic Box she saw Xander sitting at the table. He looked up when he heard her 

come in.

'Hey Buff, I am so glad to see you. Giles was trying to bore me to death with 

these books. You're my ticket out of here.'

He got up and turned to the backroom. 'GILES, I'M LEAVING !! I GOTTA DO SOME 

SHOPPING, BUT BUFFY IS HERE AND SHE SAID SHE WOULD TAKE OVER RESEARCH FOR ME. 

BYE G-MAN !!'

He turned to Buffy with an evil grin. 'Thanks Buff, you're the best. And in case 

you were wondering, Giles is in the back. See ya !'

And he was gone. Buffy watched her best friend leave. She was glad that this 

weird alternate universe had at least left the strange Xander humour intact. 

Although, thinking about it some more, she wasn't sure if that was a good thing. 

She went into the training room. 'Giles, I am so glad to see you. I messed up, 

big time... And I really need your help.'

The watcher turned around to see his slayer standing behind him. Obviously 

freaked out about something.

'Calm down a bit Buffy. I'm sure it won't be so bad once we sit down and analyse 

your problem.'

'Ok, let's analyse it. Let's analyse the fact that I have changed our reality. 

Let's analyse the fact that I have made people dissapear ! Ok, which isn't bad 

in one of the two cases, but looking at the whole problem...I would say that 

I've been a bad Buffy.'

Looking at Buffy, Giles feared that this conversation was going to be a long 

one. Considering the fact he had no idea what she was talking about. So, he did 

the only thing he could do. He started to clean his glasses. Gathering his 

thoughts.

'Buffy, I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But, I haven't the 

slightest idea what you're talking about. Which complicates my ability to give 

you good advice quite a bit.'

Buffy realised that it was going to be a long story. Since Xander never met 

Anya, Giles had never met Anya either. And since Spike had never loved Buffy, 

Giles didn't know better than to think off the blond vampire as a former enemy, 

turned enemy again by joining his old lover.

'Ok Giles, you better sit down. This is a long story. You see it all began 

after the Willow and Xander fluke. With Cordelia hurting a vengeance demon 

called Anyanka came to town....

Tbc..


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 What do we do now?

The Magic Box (10.30 AM)

Giles had a hard time processing all the information Buffy had given him. Apart 

from the shock that there was a world where Xander was getting married, he still 

couldn't believe that in that same world Spike loved Buffy. He found the idea of 

that too scary to cope with. So, he turned his attention back to his slayer, who 

was looking at him hopefully. Probably expecting him to find a spell and clear 

this whole mess up.

'Well Buffy, ehhh....I must say....That was an unbelieveable story. Not that I 

mean that I don't believe you. Because I do, it's just I don't know how to 

change this. I've never heard of a case like this. Of course, I will check the 

books on this. See what I can find out. But right now, I don't have the answers 

for you.'

'Not really what I was hoping for Giles. I mean, c'mon, go ! Research ! There 

has to be a way to reverse this.'

'I'll try Buffy, I promise. Now, why don't you try to relax for a while. Stay 

here, train. Then I'll go into the front and start the search for answers.'

She nodded, looking a little bit calmer. And he left the training room.

The Magic Shop (2.30 AM)

Giles had been researching for some time now, finding nothing. Buffy had been 

training and spent the last couple of hours searching the books with him. 

Suddenly something crossed his mind.

'Buffy, how come I'm still here in this universe and gone in the real one.'

She looked up from her book. 'Because there was no Anya to take over the Magic 

Box in this universe. You probably didn't even think of leaving here.'

He nodded. 'I guess so.'

Buffy wanted to go back to her book again, but a question had been nagging her 

for some time now. 'Giles, if Xander wasn't with Anya here, who has he been with 

the last couple of years?'

The watcher was a bit suprised by the question. But then he thought of the wish 

Buffy had made. And suddenly the question made sense. Of course, he wasn't about 

to tell her that. She would deny it.

'Well, Xander hasn't been seeing anybody in particular.'

'So, he's been single here all the time.'

'Well, not really. He has dated. He dated your first roommate. Until you exposed 

her to be a demon. And last year he dated the woman who showed him his 

apartment for a while. It didn't work out. She had fallen for suave Xander, so 

being his regular self wasn't enough for her.'

'That's it? C'mon Giles ! Two flings in two years. What has he been doing? He 

can do better.'

'To be fair, he didn't have the best of luck. I mean, there was this thing with 

Tara...'

'What thing with Tara?'

'He fell in love with her. Only he didn't know that Tara wasn't just a friend of 

Willow but her girlfriend. When he found out he was pretty hurt and shocked.'

'Poor Xander. Look what I did to him. In our world he just thought that Tara was 

a little strange when he first met her. There was no pain over her. No pain what 

so ever. At least not over Tara.'

Giles cleared his throat. 'I wasn't ready. There was also the matter that 

involved you. Well, not exactly you, but Xander didn't know that.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Last year Warren made himself a Buffybot. After his girlfriend had left him and 

his other robot broke, he was lonely. Only he programmed her wrong and she 

escaped and went looking for a person close to her. You see, Warren had 

programmed everything he knew about you into her. Including the fact that Xander 

was your best friend. Only the robot mistooke this for love and when she ran

into 

Xander she started to seduce him. Now Xander thought that you were drunk or 

something. Because you were acting so strange. So he told the robot no. Saying 

that he couldn't take advantage of you like that. She got so angry at being 

refused that she beat him up. Xander took the beating, all the while thinking it 

was you who did it to him. Even after we found out it had been a robot, he 

stayed afraid of you for a few months. Knowing that you had nothing to do with 

it, but unable to get the image of you beating him out of his mind. Only really 

getting over it when you died. Which is why he wanted you back so much. To tell 

you he was sorry for blaming you for something a robot did. Even if he didn't do 

that on purpose.'

Buffy had been listening to the story silently. There were tears in her eyes. 

When he was finished she turned to her book again. Giles looked at her.

'Buffy... Are you...'

'I don't want to talk about it, ok Giles. Let's just get back to the research.

The Magic Box (3.30 AM) 

Buffy tried not to think about the story Giles had told 

her, but it was hard not to. Xander had been hurt in this universe, by this 

thing that looked like her. By this thing he thought was her. And he had been 

afraid of her. That thought hurt the most. Xander had been afraid of her. She 

decided that she couldn't think about it anymore. It was slowly driving her 

crazy. So she looked at her book again. Not for the first time that day. And 

then it came to her.

She jumped up. 'Giles, I've got it. I know how to make him happy again. We can 

call Anyanka here, make her human and she'll fall in love with him. And 

everything will be oke.'

Giles sighed. 'It doesn't work like that Buffy. If you call Anyanka here, she 

will be a powerful vengeance demon. Maybe we can make her human. But she will 

try to get her powers back. And we have no idea if they will fall in love 

either. They fell in love in your universe because the timing was right. Here, 

Anyanka is still a demon, who will not become the human she is in your universe 

in a split second. That takes time. And...well...Xander is not the same here 

too. He has a problem trusting women, and he probably won't fall in love with an 

ex-demon. He won't allow himself.'

Buffy felt frustrated. She was a slayer and she was used to problems she could 

take care of.

'And you haven't found an answer in that awful pile of books on this table 

either?'

'No Buffy, nothing as of yet.'

'Well, I guess there is nothing left to do. We just keep looking for a way to 

get back to my own world. Unless...What if I go to LA and find this Lorne guy. I 

mean, he made this happen. Maybe he can undo it. Or, is that stupid too?'

Giles smiled. 'No Buffy, that isn't stupid. In fact that is the best idea you 

had all afternoon. I must admit, it makes my own ideas look pale too. He might 

be able to help us, but I don't want you to go alone.'

'So, come with me.'

'I can't leave the store. Besides it might be wise if I keep doing research. In 

case Lorne doesn't want to help.'

'Ok, so I'll take Willow or Tara.'

'They have classes and it is probably better not to take them with you for Dawn. 

She has gotten used to the fact that you three take care of her.'

'Giles, we're only going for a quick visit. We're not moving there without 

taking her with us.'

'Ok, so that last thing I said was a bit...well...not wise. It's just... I 

think you should take Xander with you.'

'I can't take Xander. This all involves him. He'll hate me.'

'He won't hate you. He never has, he'll never do. I think it will help. This 

Lorne sounds like a fairly reasonable guy. Maybe it will help if he sees Xander. 

Sees the difference between this Xander and your Xander. He might feel more 

willing to help you.'

'I won't take him Giles. I'll have to tell him.'

Yes, you'll have to tell him.'

'Giles, understand ! I CAN'T TELL XANDER !'

She screamed the last sentence right when the door opened and Xander came in.

'You can't tell me what Buff?'

Giles looked at his slayer. 'If you don't tell him, I will.'

Buffy realised she had no choice. So, she told the story again. 'Well, it all 

began after your fluke with Willow. Since that hurt Cordelia, a vengeance demon 

named Anyanka came to town....'

And she told the whole story. A bit scared of his reaction.

'And well...in order to fix this, and get you back were you belong. We...we need 

to go to LA. To see this Lorne, to ask him to help us.'

Xander had made his way to a chair during the story. He had kind of a hard time 

getting it all. He was supposed to get married? To an ex-demon? And he loved 

her and she loved him? It was a bit overwelming.

Buffy looked at her friend. Sitting there, staring at nothing.

'Xander, please. Say something.'

He looked at her. 'I have just one question.'

'Ask away, you can ask anything.'

'Why did you wish I never met this Anya?'
    
    Tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

To the City of Angel(s)

The Magic Box ( 3.00 AM)

Buffy tried to look away from Xander's stare, but it was no good. He was looking at her confused and she knew she had to come up with an answer.

There was only a slight problem. She had nothing... But she knew she couldn't give him that, he deserved the truth. She took a deap breath.

' I don't know why I wished your girlfriend away...'

Xander couldn't believe it. 'YOU DON'T KNOW ?'

'Well...no...I mean....I had to sing and then I had to say something....I didn't mean to wish your future wife away...really...I....really..I just didn't.'

'Now that answer clears everything right up. Except for the fact it doens't explain that apparantly my best friend doesn't like to see me happy. But, forgetting that little issue...Good answer !!'

Buffy had never seen him this...angry wasn't really the right word. She looked at him again and she realised. He was dissapointed in her, and she couldn't remember ever seeing that look on his face.

'Xand, I'm sorry, I wish I could take it all back.'

'Yeah well, if I were you I cut the wishing for a while.'

Xander hated to hear the harsh edge in his voice. Especially since he was talking to Buffy. He was just hurt. Living in danger for the last six years had tought him that you had to be careful in this world. That you just couldn't trust anybody or they might hurt you. But there always were exceptions to that rule. His friends. He could trust them, no matter what. And now he found out that his hero had wished him unhappy. It was a lot to take.

'Xand, please, I know you're angry, but give me a chance to fix this. Come to LA with me. Help me figure this out.'

He stared at her. Seeing the hurt in her eyes, and even though he knew he was still angry, he also knew that he would be going to LA with her. She was his friend and she needed him. And, for now, he would have to focus on that.

'I'll go pack. Make sure you're ready in about an hour.'

He headed for the door, stopped and turned back to her.

'But this isn't over Buff, one of these days I want a real answer to the question I just asked you. And the frase 'I don't know' isn't going to be good enough.'

She watched him go, before turning to Giles.

'That went well... if you try to forget that he hates me...'

'He doesn't hate you Buffy, he couldn't. He needs some time. So give him that.'

She sighed. 'I guess. I just don't like having him mad at me.'

The watcher looked at the girl he loved as a daughter and asked himself if she would ever figure out how special Xander really was to her. He then decided that they didn't have time to talk about this now.

'Yes well, don't you think you should call Cordelia ?'

'Cordelia, why ?'

'Buffy, you're going to LA to find a club. LA isn't Sunnydale, chances are you won't find this club without Cordelia telling you where to find it.'

'As always, you are so right. Really, I wouldn't know what to do without you.'

'You're just saying that.'

'Yeah, most of the time, but not this time.'

He smiled at her, a bit embarrassed. 'Go and make that call, Xander will be here in a hour. And you also need to head home and pack up some stuff.'

LA (1.00 PM)

It had been a pretty long drive from Sunnydale to LA and Buffy was glad they were finally at their destination. Xander had been silent most of the way. It really started to freak her out. She wasn't used to him quiet, it was a sign that something was very wrong with him. And she hated the fact that she had put him in this mood.

'So...we're almost there. If Cordy gave us the right directions.'

He looked at her. 'I'm sure she has. I mean, with her living in this town and all.'

He cursed himself for the stupid Xander remark. The drive up here had been hell. She was looking at him with a careful look in her eyes the whole time. And he wanted to do something about that, but he just couldn't get himself to open up to her. Not yet.

Looking for a place to park his car, he turned the engine of.

'This is the place. It's time to face the music.'

She nodded. 'Yeah, let's get in there.'

Xander got out of the car and walked to the entrance of the club. He took the stairs downstairs, not really waiting for Buffy. Once he got inside the club he stopped dead in his tracks.

He blinked, blinked again. And then he started laughing. Loud, almost hysterical.

Behind him, Buffy was looking at the stage, her mouth wide open.

Meanwhile, Xander was having trouble breathing.

On the stage, singing a version of 'I will always love you' was Angel.

Angel looked around him, annoyed. He hated doing this, but he had to. They were in desperate need of information again. And he knew he couldn't sing, but somebody was laughing a bit to loud. Scanning the room, his voice cracked a little when he noticed Xander. Wiping tears from his eyes from laughing. Behind him was Buffy. Looking like somebody just told her that 'Dude, where's my car ?' had won an Oscar.

Feeling utterly embarrassed, he quickly finished the song.

Xander couldn't remember ever having such a good time. On the stage was Deadboy, singing !!! He almost forgave Buffy for the stupid wish she made, just for this moment. He composed himself when he heard Angel coming to the end of the song.

He started clapping like an idiot, yelling.

'THAT WAS GREAT !! INCREDIBLE!!! GO, DEADBOY!!!'

Angel wanted to kill the boy.

Xander wasn't finished however.

'WE WANT MORE ! WE WANT MORE !'

And he actually got the audience in the club to join him. He grinned when he saw Angel blush. Then he looked over at Buffy, who was coming out of her shock. Looking at Xander a bit accusing. Although he could see a little smile on her face.

She took a deap breath.

'That's Angel...singing !'

He grinned, yet again.

'Yeah Buff, it is.'

At that moment Angel walked over to them. Concern in his eyes.

'Buffy, why are you here, is everything oke ? Do you need my help ?'

'No, we're fine. We're here to see Lorne. Didn't Cordelia tell you we were coming ?'

He shook his head.

'No, I haven't seen her all day.'

Xander interrupted. 

'Angel, my man !! I must say, I'm impressed....Telling us that you went to LA to fight the big bad. You didn't have to hide this from us. You could have just said "Guys, I wanna go to LA to become a famous karaoke singer." Really, we would have supported you ! I mean, you're so gifted, with that incredible voice. You gave me chills all over.'

Angel couldn't believe the boy was annoying him yet again. But then again, he always had been good at that.

'Xander, nice to see you. Still the same boy I knew I see. Some people never grow up.'

Xander smiled. 'I've done oke, don't worry about me.'

Buffy quickly stepped in. Remembering that this could go on for a while between these two.

'Angel, have you seen Lorne ? We really need to see him.'

'Why ? I didn't even know you guys knew him.'

'We... we recently got to know eachother, and we really need to talk to him.'

'Hold your horses, sweetie, I'm right here ! I didn't think I'd ever see you again however. You should be happy right now, enjoying your wishes.'

Standing behind them was Lorne. Dressed sharply in a purple suit.

Buffy turned around to face him, it was time to solve this problem. 

'Lorne, you have got to reverse the wishes I made. I mean, I'm not happy. Xander's not happy. Please help us. And please don't make me ask you a second time.'

She paused for effect.

'Because I've never learned to ask nicely the second time.'

Lorne started to sweat a little.

'Wow, sweetie, calm down. No need to become violent. I like my body the way it is. Intact.'

'Then help us.'

'I don't think I can. I mean, I want to...believe me I do...But no wish has ever been reversed. You're kinda stuck in the world you have created...'

Tbc...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A whole lot of Confusion.

LA, Lorne's club. (1.15 PM)

Xander's happy mood was suddenly gone when he heard Lorne say they were stuck in the world that had been created. He didn't have any memories of the old world but, from what Buffy had told him, he was loved there. By a beautiful woman. So he really saw no harm in going back to that place.

'Oh, come on man !! You must know something. Anything ! We wannna get out of this wish world thingy we got going here. There's a woman I love in another universe, and she actually loves me back. And, oke, I have no memory what so ever of her, but it sounds very good.'

Angel stared at them in disbelief.

'There's a woman in another universe that loves Xander ?'

Xander suddenly remembered vividly why he disliked Angel so much.

'Put a sock in it, Deadboy !'

Angel looked at him with a mocked hurt expression.

'Oh no, little Xander is mad at me.'

Buffy just stared at both of them, not believing that the time they spend apart had done nothing to change their relationship for the better. In fact, it almost seemed worse. She turned to Lorne.

'You know what, me and you need to have a real conversation. And with these two big babies I don't see that happening anytime soon. Do you have a place to talk alone ?'

He nodded. 'In the back, but you have to promise you'll behave. There will be no hitting or touching in any way.'

She looked him up and down.

'I think I can manage that.'

She started to follow Lorne into the back, stopping when she noticed Xander following her.

'What are you doing ?'

'Coming with you to talk to Lorne.'

'Oh no you don't. You just stay right here and continue your very mature verbal fight with Angel. I'll tell him everything we know.'

'But you wanted me to come with so Lorne could see I wasn't nearly as happy here then in our world.'

'Well, he's seen you, I think he knows. With the whole 'somebody loves me out there' speech you kinda proved you weren't very happy here.'

'But I wanna come with you.'

She sighed. She needed Xander to stay outside so she could talk to Lorne about why she had made her second wish. It still wasn't clear to her and she had a feeling Lorne would know more. But of course she couldn't ask him if Xander insisted he wanted to come with her.

'Xander, please. Stay here.'

He looked at her and was suprised to see that is was very important to her that he stayed outside. He decided to give in, making a mental note to ask her later why she wanted to talk to the green demon alone.

'Fine, go.'

He watched her follow Lorne. Behind him Angel was trying to hide his smile, failing miserably.

'Poor Xander, banded from the conversation of two grown ups.'

'You know what Angel, I could get into this with you, but I really don't see the point. Despite of what you think, I have grown the last couple of years.'

'Maybe, but I don't see any growing in the way Buffy is treading you. You're still a liability to her.'

Xander turned to face the vampire.

'You have no idea what Buffy is about anymore. I do, I know her well enough to see that she needed me to stay out of this conversation for her and my good. And I trust her judgement above everything.'

Angel was impressed by the way Xander spoke to him. So the boy had changed.

'Maybe you're right.'

The vampire turned to leave, but stopped before he reached the stairs.

'When will you stop being so loyal to her ?'

Xander didn't ever bother to think about the question.

'Never.'

The vampire just nodded and left the club. He intented to find Cordelia, she could have let him know that Buffy and Xander were coming to Lorne's club and tell him not to sing tonight. But Cordy probably thought that this was going to be much more fun. Sometimes that girl had a weird sense of humor...

___________________________________________________________________________

Lorne's club (1.30 PM)

Buffy hoped that by the time she and Lorne were done with their talk Xander and Angel were done behaving all masculine. Lorne took the time to look at the slayer, he was suprised to see that she really wasn't happy.

'So, tell me, why are you so unhappy with the outcome of your wishes.'

'Because I wished Anya away. I made a world in which Xander never get's a break. He falls in love with the wrong girls and he was beat up by a robot that looked like me.'

'But what about you, how do you feel about this new world ?'

'Well, I kinda like the fact that Spike isn't there anymore. So that is a big step up for me, but on the long run, I hate it. He's so different from the Xander I know.'

'In what way ?'

'Well, it isn't something you see just by looking at him. It's something you see from knowing him the way I do. He's lost his ability to trust, so he created this small safe world. In which he only trusts his friends. Only now he's lost his trust in me twice, and it's affecting him real bad.'

So, you're not happy because he's not happy.'

'Yeah, he's part of the gang. I want my friends around me, and I want Xander around me the way I know him.'

Lorne almost looked sad.

'I wish I could help you sweetie, really, but I don't think there's anything I can do.'

Buffy decided that she had spend enough time avoiding the issue.

'Can't you at least help me figure out why I wished Xander never met Anya ?'

He looked at her stunned.

'You mean you don't know ?'

'No, I mean...I never hated her...She's a bit much some times...but...I don't hate her.'

'This isn't about Anya, this is about Xander.'

Buffy felt a bit confused by the last sentence. It was about Xander ?

'What ?'

'You really don't know ! My god ! Sweetie, you got denial down to an artform.'

'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

'Why did you sleep with Spike ?'

Buffy found the change of subject a bit weird and not all to pleasant to talk about. Hoping that this would lead to an answer to her question, she answered anyway.

'Because I was confused and scared...and thinking that I came back wrong...and...being an idiot.'

'All very good reasons, but you forgot the most important one. You slept with him because you needed to feel loved.'

Buffy's mind was screaming in denial. She didn't sleep with Spike because she needed love. She didn't.

'I do NOT love Spike.'

'I never said you did, I said you needed to feel love. You slept with him because he loves you. Not because you love him.'

'No, your wrong...Why would I do that ?'

'You know why. You just don't wanna face it.'

'I don't know why ! This is all very in the not knowing for me. I don't know why I slept with Spike. I don't know if I did it to feel loved and I sure as hell don't know what Xander's got to do with all of this.'

'What did you feel when Xander told you guys he and Anya were getting married.'

'I...I was suprised....and well...it was unexpected...and...he seemed so happy...'

'So you were suprised and he seemed happy, you didn't feel happy for him yourself ?'

'Yeah, I was. I hugged him and all, and told him I was very happy for him.'

'But you didn't do that right away. Did you ?'

'No, but...what is the point of this ?'

'You didn't feel happy for him right away because you weren't. You've just convinced yourself that you are.'

'No ! I want him to mary Anya, I am happy for them. If I wasn't why would I want to reverse my wishes ?'

'You said it yourself, you want the Xander you know back.'

'So he can mary Anya and be happy.'

'No, you want the Xander you know back because that's the Xander you're in love with.'

Buffy was really doubting the green demon's mental ability by now. He was so wrong. She didn't love Xander.

'You're crazy.'

'Am I, it all makes perfect sense to me. You came back from heaven, scared, confused and no one seemed to notice. Then you find out Xander is getting married. You're shocked by that. Cause in your mind their relationship didn't really mean anything.'

'What !! That is so not trough. I knew they had a special relationship. I even told Tara after Riley left me.'

'At that time you needed to believe in love. You needed to see two people in a normal, loving relationship.'

'You know what, you're contradicting yourself. First you tell me that I block out how important Anya is too Xander and now you tell me I used them to restore my faith in love.'

'You weren't aware that you're in love with him when Riley left you.'

'Sorry Lorne, but this is crap !'

'Maybe, but you wished your best friend's lover away sweetie. Why would you do that if you don't hate her or love him ?'

'Because...because...I just did.'

'I know this is strange, but the fact is you found out you loved him after you died. You were happy in heaven because you knew everyone you cared about was safe. Because you knew Xander was safe. Being in heaven clears a lot up for people. In your case you finally realised you love your Xander shaped friend. And when you came back you found out that the people you loved weren't save at all. That you had to protect them from all the bad again. But you also saw how Xander had gotten closer to Anya. And then he tells you there getting married. Tell me, did you start sleeping with Spike before or after he made that announcement ?'

'After...but..that doesn't mean...'

'See, that's my point. You needed to feel loved, so you slept with Spike. Because the person you're really in love with couldn't give his love to you. At least not the way you want it.'

Buffy wanted to disagree. She wanted to tell Lorne to go to hell. She wanted to forget she ever met him. But somehow the words he spoke to her seemed less stupid. They were beginning to make more sense to her. It explained why she felt so bad after Xander's wedding announcement, it explained why she needed Spike. It explained why she felt so much pain every time she saw how Xander would look at Anya. She thought she felt that way because she wanted a relationship just like theirs. It wasn't. She felt that way...because..because she wanted him.

Lorne watched Buffy as she began to realise he was telling her the truth. He felt sorry for her. He felt sorry for a girl who had led such a hard life that it took her months to accept that she was in love. Simply because she wasn't used to the feelings. Couldn't identify them.

Finally she spoke to him again.

'This makes everything so much worse. I made that wish because I was selfish. I made him miserable because I couldn't have him.'

'You made the wish because you wanted to be happy. Don't be so hard on yourself.'

'What am I going to do now ?'

Lorne wished he knew. Seeing how desperate she was, he made a desiscion.

'Why don't you get some rest while I'll go to The Powers That Be. Maybe they are willing to reverse the wishes.'

'Maybe, but that won't solve the problem.'

'No, but it's a start.'

Nodding to her he left the building, using the backdoor. She made her way back into the club. To see Xander on stage, singing 'Hey Jude.' Laughing, clearly having a fun time. She just stood there and watched him. Still a bit uncomfortable with all these new feelings she had while looking at him.

Xander had been pretty bored after Angel left. And after seeing people sing on stage for a while he decided that it beat being bored. So he took up the mike himself. Having very much fun with it. Suddenly he noticed Buffy in the back, watching him. He felt a strange tingle down his spine. She was looking at him like she never saw him before. Ignoring the strange feeling he turned to his audience.

'People, demons, thank you so much for your kind attention. Gotta go now.'

He got of the stage and walked over to Buffy.

'So tell me, what did our big green friend tell you ?'

Tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Why are you making this so hard ? 

LA, Lorne's club (2.15 PM)

Buffy was thinking what to tell Xander. She had to think of something fast, because...well...the truth was a bit complicated. Somehow she doubted that saying, "Well Xander, I had a long talk with Lorne and he made me see that I'm completly in love with you, which is why I wished the woman you love away" would solve all there problems. It would only create a million more. So, she went for the next best thing, she told him half of the truth.

'I told Lorne I...we... were unhappy with the wishes and after a long talk he finally gave in. He's going to The Powers That Be as we speak to ask them to reverse the wishes.'

Xander felt relieved at that statement, although he still couldn't shake the weird feeling he had felt before, when he saw Buffy watching him on stage. He still felt a different vibe then usual coming from her, but he blamed it on himself. They had a hard day and he was just tired.

'So, did he tell you how long his talk with the Powers would last ?'

'No, but he did tell me to get some rest. So, it's going to take a while I think.'

'Right, then what do you say to us finding a place to crash. Because, to be honest, I'm tired and I've seen enough demons sing karaoke to last me a lifetime.'

'Yeah that's probably a good idea, I'm kinda tired too.'

'Good, I saw a motel across the street from here. Why don't we go check it out.'

LA, a motelroom. (2.30 PM)

Buffy couldn't believe her luck. She had just found out that she was in love with her best friend, and now she had to share a motelroom with him. When they got to the motel the owner told them that he had a room for them. The only problem was he didn't have two single rooms anymore. So he asked if it were a problem if they shared a room together. Before Buffy could say no, Xander had already told the guy that it wasn't a problem. So, now she found herself in a room which had one kingsize bed and only the floor for another person to sleep on. 

'So...ehhh...why don't we flip for the bed.'

Xander looked at Buffy like she was crazy. She hadn't said a word since they left Lorne's club. Looking at him like she was scared of him and now she wanted to flip for the bed ?

'Flip for the bed, come on Buff, we've known each other six years now. I think we can sleep in one bed without an unexpected kid following.'

He gave her his lopsided grin.

'Hey, if you were able to resist me for the last six years, I really doubt that seeing me in bed in only a boxer would do the trick for you. Of course, if it does, feel free to tell me.'

Buffy was glad that she wasn't facing him when he said that because the thought of him in only a boxer made her blood rush to her face.

'Yeah...your right...I'm going into the bathroom to change.'

And she was gone. Xander watched her leave a bit amused. If he didn't know better he'd say that she was acting shy around him. 

In the bathroom Buffy told herself that everything was going to be oke. This was Xander, her buddy, her friend. Nothing to worry about. And yeah ,she just found out that she was in love with him, and yeah...she had to share a bed with him. But it was a big bed, a very big bed. Sighing, she looked in the mirror. Wondering why it was impossibe to calm herself down. She changed into a simple shirt and boxer. At that moment there was a loud knock on the door.

'Buff, what are you doing in there ? You've been in there for a half an hour. Have you decided to sleep there or something ?'

 Buffy knew that she couldn't stay in here any longer. She had to face him. And she would do just fine, she wasn't some schoolgirl anymore. 

She opened the door. Sighing in relief when she noticed that he was wearing a shirt and a boxer too. At least he decided to keep a shirt on, she had been terrified that he would decide to sleep in only a boxer.

He smiled at her.

'There you are, and look at that. Matching outfits. Now, if you don't mind, I want to brush my teeth. It's a health thing I have.'

Buffy let him walk past her and then walked over to the bed and got in quickly. Hoping, by some miracle, that she would be sleeping by the time he came back. Of course, she wasn't. He came back out of the bathroom and walked over to the bed. His next move made Buffy jump out of bed again.

'W-w-what are you doing ?'

 Now he was really worried that Lorne had done something to her brain.

'I'm taking of my shirt. Don't like sleeping in one. Buff, you've seen me in speedo's. I didn't think you would mind.'

Her mind was cursing him for bringing up the speedo's. Like she didn't have enough problems right now.

'I-I dont mind.'

'Good.'

Buffy told herself not to watch as he took of his shirt. She told herself to think of baseball and Giles naked. But, yet again, it didn't work.

Xander wanted to get into the bed when he noticed Buffy looking at him like he was an alien.

'What's the matter Buff, have I grown an extra nipple or something ?'

'No... no extra nipple. Only two nipples. Right where they should be. Nothing wrong with them, in fact they look nice...'

She stopped herself from going all Willow on him. Giving herself the 'total idiot of the year' award.

Xander just decided that he was to tired to think about her weird behaviour anymore.

'Yeah well, thanks I guess. My nipples appreciate the comment. Why don't we get some sleep now.'

'Yeah, sleep. Sleep is good, let's sleep together...'

She had handed out the total idiot award to herself to soon. She made the decision not to say anything at all anymore. She would just try and get some sleep.

Meanwhile, Xander tried to ignore the images his mind produced once it heard the phrase "let's sleep together." Telling himself that it was wrong to have such thoughts about your best friend, he rolled over and tried to sleep.

LA, a motel room ( 8.15 AM)

Buffy woke up, trying to remember where she was. She quickly knew and turned around to see Xander on his side. His bak to her, still sleeping. She thanked the heavens that at least they had avoided the 'waking up in each other's arms scenario.' That probably only happened in bad tv shows and sleezy romance novels.

Right that moment Xander turned around. Facing her, suddenly lying very close. She took the time to look at him. Thinking that he was even cuter when he was sleeping. His hair was a mess and he was smiling. Maybe he was dreaming. Her hands wanted to touch him real bad, and while she knew that it was wrong, she gave in. Running her hand trough his hair, while touching his face with her other hand. He began to move, indicating that he was about to wake up and she quickly left the bed to take a shower.

Xander yawned, streched and looked next to him to find Buffy gone. He wondered where she was, until he heard the shower in the bathroom. Problem solved. Actually, he was glad that she wasn't there, since he had been dreaming about her all night. That was something he was used to, he dreamed about his friends a lot. Not like this however... And the fact that she was naked in the shower right now didn't really help his mind come at ease. Not to mention other bodyparts...

 He told himself that it was a natural reaction, Buffy was beautiful and he was male. Nothing to worry about. Getting out of bed he tried to ignore that little voice inside of him that told him that he was feeding himself a load of crap. He just couldn't fall for Buffy again. Not while he knew there was a girl outhere he wanted to mary.

Buffy came out of the bathroom, fully clothed. The first thing she saw was a still sleepy Xander. Gathering some clothes together. She put on a fake smile and hoped that he would mistake it for the genuine Buffy smile. The one that said that she was glad to see her best bud.

'Goodmorning Xand, did you sleep oke ?'

He looked at her, relieved to see that the old, familiar, Buffy was smiling at him. No weird vibes from her this morning.

'Yeah, I slept oke.'I'll take a shower now and then we can go see Lorne. Find out what the Powers said.'

'Yeah, that's a good plan. But can we get breakfast first ? I'm starving.'

'Sure, why not.'

Relieved that everything seemed normal again he walked into the bathroom. To pop his head outside once he was in there. A grin on his face.

'Buffy ?'

'Yeah ?'

'The next time you ask me to sleep with you I might say yes.. Think about it !'

And he was gone to take his shower. Grining at the look on his friend's face. Now completly ignoring the little voice inside of him that said he didn't make a joke just now.

Buffy almost had a heart attack from his last comment, until she saw his face. He was kidding... Good, he had no idea that she would jump him if he ever said 'yes' to the remark she made last night.

LA, Lorne's club (9.15 AM)

After they checked out of the motel Buffy and Xander had been searching for a place to have breakfast. After a nice meal, they headed to Lorne's club.

Buffy relieved that she was hiding her newfound feelings well. Xander being his goofy self, while still having a verbal fight with his inner voice, which told him that Buffy wasn't just his best friend. 

When they entered the club they found it empty. Xander was a bit dissapointed, he would have loved to see Angel on stage again. But hey, he would also settle for a onetime memory of that event.

Buffy looked around her, searching for the green demon.

'LORNE ! ARE YOU HERE !'

The demon emerged from the back.

'Hey sweetie, hey Xander, nice day isn't it. How are you kids doing ? I'm doing fine by the way, in case you cared to know. But enough about...'

Buffy interrupted.

'Stop babbling Lorne.'

'I do not babble, girls babble. I just talk a lot of manly talk.'

Xander took over.

'Lorne please, tell us what the Powers told you.'

Lorne got visibly nervous.

'Well, you see... it's like this...Eeeh.. the Powers want to reverse your wishes.'

He turned to Buffy.

'Because your still not happy they figure that it didn't work. And because the outcome of the wishes actualy made you less happy they thought that it was better for everybody to reverse them.'

Buffy felt relieved that at least one part of her problem was solved. Lorne continued.

'But, one thing. You will not lose memory of these events.'

Buffy realised the implications of that, and she glanced at Xander before speaking to Lorne again.

'You mean I will remember everything what happened, everything we talked about ?'

The demon nodded.

'Yeah, you'll remember everything.'

Xander chipted in.

'So I won't lose the memory of Angel singing huh, cool !!'

Lorne just smiled. Buffy on the other hand felt no reason to smile. She had hoped that reversing the wishes would mean everything going back to normal. Including the fact that the Buffy in the other universe had no idea that she loved Xander. But it looked like she would go back to her old life fully aware of that fact. And then something else occured to her.

'Lorne, does this mean that Xander will also remember everything ? Because if he does he will know that I wished Anya away. He will never forgive me for that.'

Xander turned to Buffy.

'I don't know this Anya person, so I can't really know how much I love her. But, being Xander, I do know this. You can never lose me. I can get mad at you, even hate you, but I'll never walk away, oke ?'

She just nodded. Still not sure.

Lorne cleared his throat.

'Ehh guys, we will soon find out. The wishes are being reversed as we speak and once everything is back to normal you'll find yourself in Sunnydale again. Back in your old lives with only....'

He stopped talking when Buffy and Xander disappeared before his eyes. The Powers had kept their promise.Looking at the place where the two had been he sighed.

'Good luck sweetie, you're gonna need it.'

Tbc...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

I can't believe Spike is back...

Sunnydale CA, Buffy's house (9.15 AM)

Buffy woke up on the couch, looking around her.

'Lorne, Xand, are you guys here ?'

Nobody answered. Looking at her clothes she reconized them from the morning after the wishes. Not only was she back in Sunnydale, she was also trown back in time. She quickly realised why. The effect of the wishes had been reversed, which meant that she wouldn't spend today in the Magic Box looking for answers, or going to LA. She was back in her old life, and today was all about facing the consequenses of her night with Spike. If she was lucky...

She was hoping that Xander wouldn't remember, but she doubted it. Since her own memories of the events were vivid. Her conversation with Lorne came to mind and she wondered how it was possible that she had been in love with Xander for so long without her knowing it. She smiled, her life was a mess right now, but at least she loved again. She was quickly getting used to the feelings. They were alarming, but they were real, and after the lack of feelings in the last couple of months she was happy about that. She went into the kitchen to get some breakfast, thinking that her last breakfast had been more fun. After she finished eating she wanted to go upstairs when there was a knock on the door. Opening the door, she found Xander on her doorstep.

Xander was hoping that somebody else would open the door. Of course, he wasn't that lucky. Buffy opened the door, a scared expression on her face when she saw him. He could understand why. He had woken up in his own appartment, with Anya cuddled up next to him. Wondering where Lorne and Buffy were. At first he thought that he had been dreaming, but he quickly dismissed that. This were memories to real to be a dream. He looked at Anya, relieved to see her. He stared at her for a couple of minuts before he decided he needed to see Buffy. And so, here he was. He cleared his throat.

'Why Buff ?'

She instantly knew what he meant. He remembered. Her fear turned into panic. But somehow she sounded calm.

'You still remember ?'

'Yeah, I still do.'

There was a uncomfortable silence. Neither knew what to say. Buffy because she knew she didn't have an explanation for him. Not one she was willing to share anyway. Xander because he was trying to control his emotions. Telling himself that this was Buffy, that she must have had a good reason. Than he remembered that she didn't have any reasons when he asked her in the Magic Box. He prayed that this time she would.

'You wanna come in ?'

'Why not.'

He walked in. Turning to her.

'Tell me why Buff. Make me less mad at you.'

She flinched at the anger in his voice. Almost believing that maybe the truth wasn't so bad afterall. She decided against it. He didn't need a declaration of love right now. There was nothing he could with it, he was in love with Anya. But she had to tell him something, she would lose him if she didn't. Already hating herself for it, she decided to tell him a white  lie.

'I was afraid of losing you.'

She spoke so soft he wasn't sure he heard her right. She was afraid of losing him ?

'What ?'

It was the only word his mind could think of. She continued.

'I thought that you marrying Anya would take you away from me. I mean... you have a wife pretty soon...and maybe you wanna have children. And you will realise that staying in Sunndale isn't going to be safe for your family. Especially staying in Sunnydale, hanging around me...and you'll decide you have to go. For their sake...and I will lose you. And I just need you guys to much....all of you. I guess that is why I made the wish. But you have to believe me when I tell you that I didn't do it on purpose. I would never hurt you on purpose.'

Her eyes were pleading with him. He was still trying to register what she had told him. A bit hurt that she would think that she could ever lose him. But also relieved because he could understand why she did it now. And he knew that him understanding would save their friendship. 

'Buff, remember what I told you in Lorne's club ? When you were afraid of losing me if I would still know you wished Anya away.'

She nodded. He gave her half of a smile.

'I'll repeat it again. You can't lose me. Never. And if I ever decide that I wanna leave Sunnydale you still won't lose me. I love you guys to much. Don't you know that ?'

She almost gave a sigh of relief at his words. She could tell that he was still mad, but she also knew that they could work it out from here. Because he understood.

'Why are you always such a good guy ?'

'It's a gift I have. It's why women find me simply irresistible. Combined with my good looks of course.'

She laughed. Because he was joking again. Always a good sign.

'Of course Xand, of course...'

He got serious.

'We need to talk about this some more Buff. Well not about me being irresistible, but about the wish you made. We need to talk this out. I don't want this standing between us.'

'Me neither.'

Sunnydale CA, Buffy's house (12.15 AM)

They had spend the rest of the morning talking. Both felt that it done them good. They hadn't been to nice at each other at times, but it cleared the air. And they knew that their friendship had survived the crisis. Right now they were on the couch, laughing. 

'Oh, come on Xand. You were mean.'

'I was not.'

'You got the audience to join you in the 'we want more' thing. I've never seen Angel blush before but he did then.'

'Oke, maybe I went a bit to far, but it was just so funny.'

He got up, trying to look as brooding as possible while singing 'I will always love you.'

She laughed harder.

'Even Angel wasn't that bad Xand !'

'You just say that because you were in love with the guy. Believe me, he was this bad and worse.'

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

'Oke Buff, thank you so much for this morning. But I gotta go, I really need to see An...I feel like I haven't seen her in ages.'

She forced herself to smile.

'Go, I understand.'

He gave her a hug.

'Thank you for your honesty.'

She closed her eyes so wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. If only she could have been honest with him. He let her go.

'See ye later ?'

'Yeah, later.'

'Bye Buff.'

'Bye Xand.'

And he was gone. More tears started falling. She knew that she would have to get used to this. She would spend time with him, but in the end he would always go back to Anya.

Sunnydale CA, Buffy's house (10.15 PM)

Buffy was in the kitchen, just staring. She knew she would have to go out patrolling, but she didn't want to. She would run into Spike and after the day she had he was the last thing she wanted to see.  Her afternoon had been filled with selfpity, but her evening had been pretty good. She had eaten with Willow, Tara en Dawn and it had been nice. But they all left now, Willow and Tara to the movies and Dawn to a friend, which meant Buffy was alone again. With way to much time to think about Xander. The backdoor was opened with force and in the door was Spike.

She sighed.

'Great, just what I needed.'

'Thought you'd be glad to see me, love.'

'Not really.'

'You're just playing hard to get. Do you want me to hid you ? I mean if it get's you in the mood.'

She looked at him coldly.

'Nothing you do will get me in the mood. Except for you staking yourself.'

'Harsh words, to bad last night kinda speaks against you.'

'Last night was the biggest mistake of my life. It will never, ever, happen again.'

He came close to her. Touching her. Getting a bit worried when she didn't react at all. All the while looking at him with contempt.

'Stop it Spike. It won't happen.'

'You know better Slayer.'

She sighed.

'Spike, I'm not in love with you. Last night only happened because I was lonely.'

'You're lying.'

'No, I'm not. Get it through your thick skull. I used you. _Used_ you. You mean nothing to me.'

He still wasn't convinced.

'Nice story you've been telling yourself.'

'I will never happen again Spike.'

'Yes it will.'

'No.'

'Why the hell wouldn't it happen again ?'

'Because I'm in love with Xander.'

Buffy couldn't believe that she just blurted that out. To Spike off all people.He started laughing.

'You want me to believe you're in love with the carpenter ?'

He laughed harder.

'Laugh all you want, it's the truth.'

He stopped laughing when he looked at her face. She was hurting. It was the pain of someone who was in love with somebody they could never have. And he reconized it. He had been living in that pain himself for the last year.

'Bloody hell, you're _really_ in love with the Boy Wonder...'

She nodded. He just turned around and left. Banging his fist at the doorpost while leaving. She stayed behind. Thankful that at least one of her problems was solved.

Sunnydale CA, Xander's appartment ( 2.00 PM)

Xander woke up with a start, sweating. His heart racing. Next to him Anya was still asleep. He calmed a bit down when he looked at her. Getting out of bed to get a drink. When he got to the kitchen he heard a knock on his door. Wondering who would come over at this our he walked to the door. To see Lorne on his doorstep.

'Lorne ! What the hell are you doing here ?'

The demon let himself into the appartment. Looking around, not saying anything.

'Lorne, again, why are you here ?'

He turned to look at him.

'Nice decorating. Also told Buffy that when I went to see her. Living on the hellmouth does some wonders for your taste I guess.

Xander didn't have the patience for small talk.

'Don't make me repeat myself a third time.'

Lorne decided that he would put the boy out of his misery.

'You've had the dream, haven't you ?'

Tbc...


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Hey, it's Lorne...again !

Sunnydale CA, Xander's appartment (2.05 PM)

Xander couldn't believe his life. He was standing in his boxers, barely awake, with a green demon in his livingroom. Who knew about a dream he just had ten minutes ago. It was the sorta thing that just never seemed to happen in 'Friends', only on the hellmouth.

'Why...how...why ?'

Lorne smiled.

'I take it you wannna ask me how I know about the dream ?'

Xander nodded. Very enthusiastically.

'Again, the Powers told me that you would be having the dream. They would have send somebody else, but since I already knew you guys... They thought it wise to send me.'

'Ehh....why do the Powers know about a dream I'm having ?'

'Well, to be fair, they didn't. At least not until they reversed Buffy's wishes. But you see, Buffy making these wishes has changed...ehhh....curtain factors. And so the future changed too. And the first sign of that is your dream. It's a bit complicated, which is why they usually don't send me for this sort of things.'

'Why would the future be changed by my dream ?'

'Why do you think ?'

Xander wanted to answer the question when images of his dream flashed before his eyes. He shivered. 

'Did I dream about something that is going to happen ?'

'No, it's a...let's just call it a dream with a hidden message. It's telling you something.'

'What is it telling me ?'

'Well...that I don't know. You see, you kinda need to tell me your dream. Because the Powers only knew this a important dream. They couldn't tell me what it was about. I'll need to analyse it from your remembrance of it.'

Xander still didn't know what this was all about. But his instincts were telling him to do what the demon told him. Somehow he trusted him. He was about to tell his story when the bedroom door opened.

'Xander, why are you not in bed, keeping my warm, and who is this green guy in our livingroom ?'

He turned to face Anya.

'It's oke An, go back to bed. This is a....a friend of mine. And he stopped by for something very important.'

'Does this have anything to do with your precious Buffy ?'

'I don't know yet An.'

He looked at her with the puppy look. The look he knew always had effect on her. This time was no exception. She reluctantly gave in.

'Alright, prefere your green friend over me. I'm going to bed. Oh, and just so you know, I woke up really wanting sex. So think about that when you talk to this guy.'

She turned around, stopping to talk to Lorne.

'And for the record. That is some ugly suit you have on your body there.'

And she was gone. He turned to Xander.

'Charming girl, you sure you want to marry her ?'

'Yeah, I'm sure.'

While he spoke the last sentence he heard that little voice inside of him again, telling him he wasn't sure at all. He quickly changed the subject. Hoping the little voice would get distracted.

'Do you wanna stay here and talk about the dream ? Because if she bothering you, we could go somewhere else.'

'No thanks, I don't really like Sunnydale at night. Already risked my life once coming here in the middle of the night. Here is just fine. Let's just make sure she doesn't hear us.'

They moved into the kitchen. The demon sat himself in one of the chairs.

'Oke, tell me about your dream, but make it a bit excited. It is late afterall, I don't think I can stand a long, boring, story.'

Xander smiled, and told his story.

'Oke, I'm back in highschool and we're in the middle of the Angelus thing. He had just turned Teresa, but we think it was a wherewolf. We find out we were wrong because she attacks us. Afterwards Buffy is upset and I comfort her. We have a moment. Until now, the dream is really just a flashback of a accurance that happened in my life. However, it changes, this time the moment doesn't just go by. We kiss. But only a second after our lips touch I'm suddenly finding myself in my basement. Anya is standing behind me, naked, and I walk over to her and kiss her. Right after that the scene changes again. This time I find myself in a big room. A room I've never seen before, and there are all these words on the wall. Written with a marker. Words like 'love, hate, passion,caring.' Al around me. And in the middle of the room is a tv screen and I see all of my friends at the graveyard. There patrolling, and Willow spots a vampire. She and Spike decide to go check it out together and they dissapear from the screen. Right after that Tara tells Buff she wants to go see if Will is oke and she leaves too. So only Buffy and Anya are left. Suddenly a very big demon comes to the scene and Buffy starts fighting it, but she isn't strong enough. She's losing. The moment I think that I find myself in the middle of the graveyard. Looking at the fight, but not being able to interfere. And I see how this demon is slowly wearing Buffy down, ready to kill them both. And I just stand there. Terrified. Suddenly, I'm back in the room, the tv screen shows a picture of Buffy and Anya. Being strangled by the demon. And all the words in the room have changed into another word. Destination. And then...well...I woke up.'

Xander looked at Lorne. Hoping that he would make sense of it all. If he was honest with himself a part of him already knew what the dream was about. But he couldn't accpet that. So he just hoped Lorne would have a different explanation.

'Well, I think this a pretty easy dream. Your torned between two women. Loving them both in different ways. And you fear both of them need you too much for you to walk away. Which is what the demom presents who is strangling them. The only thing is, you can't postpone your decision to long. Since...well...one of them is your destination.'

Lorne looked at Xander with a big smile on his face.

'Easy huh, this 'explaining dreams thing' I do ?'

Xander hardly heard him, because he was to busy pacing the kitchen up and down. Lorne had told him what the little voice inside of him had known all allong. He was torned. But the fact was he couldn't allow himself these feelings for Buffy. Because...well...he was marrying Anya. He turned to Lorne.

'So Anya is my destination right ? I mean, she's the one that actually loves me, that I wanna marry. She must be my destination.'

'I can't tell you that. You are going to have to find out on your own. The next few days will be very important for your decision, so remember that.'

'What's going to happen the next few days ?'

The demon just smiled.

'You'll see.'

'You'll see !! That's not good enough. You walk into my life, which just got back to normal, telling me that I have to choose between Buffy and Anya in the next few days. I need something here, not 'you'll see.' I need you to tell me what the hell to do.'

'Oke, let's say I tell you to stay with Anya. Will that satisfy you ? Make this problem go away ?'

He thought about it.

'No.'

'You'll have to do this yourself kid, sorry. Now, do you mind if I crash on the couch. I really don't wanna go outhere again. I mean, I had to talk two demons out of there plans to have me for dinner on my way over here.'

Xander just nodded that it was oke.

While Lorne settled in on the couch, he went back to bed. Anya snuggeld up to him once he got in. She opened her eyes.

'Hey, did you and you're friend work everything out ?'

He sighed. 'Almost.'

Her eyes were closing again.

'I'm a bit tired. Going back to sleep now. I love you Xand.'

He wispered.

'I love you too.'

He spend the rest of the night watching her. Falling asleep by dawn. Dreaming of Buffy and the night they had spend together in LA.

Sunnydale CA, Buffy's house (8.15 AM)

Buffy woke up when she heared somebody knocking on the door. At first she stayed in bed, hoping that somebody else would get it. When that didn't happen she got out of bed. Finding Anya on her doorstep.

'What did you do to him ?'

Buffy had no idea what she was talking about.

'What ?'

'Last night some green guy came over to our house. And he and Xander went into the kitchen. And, well...I kinda listened in on them. And I heared them talking about some dream, and how Xander was torned.'

'Torned ?'

'Yes, torned, between you and me. Apparantly he still hasn't really gotten over your blond 'out of a bottle' self, because he has to make a choice. Only one of us seems to be his destination.'

Buffy was a bit to shocked by the information to form a coherent thought, let alone say something back. So Anya continued.

'Well, let me tell you something. I wear the ring. Me !! Not you, and I'm not going to stand by and watch you take him from me. I mean, you don't even care about him. I do, I love him.'

Her voice lost some of it's sharpness.

'Please Buff, help me keep him.'

Buffy got out of her shock, but her voice still came in a wisper.

'I love him too.'

The two girls just looked at each other, both looking for words. Finally Anya spoke.

'So you finally see him the way I've always seen him ?'

'Yeah sorry.'

'I can't say I really blame you.'

'I don't want to break you guys up Anya, really, I don't.'

'I know, but it's a bit scary when the girl your fiancee would die for suddenly announces she loves him. And if you combine that with the information I heard last night...'

He loves you An, I know he does.'

'Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you.'

The conversation stopped again. Both uncomfortable. And again Anya spoke.

'Well...ehh..I'm gonna go, gotta open up the Magic Shop.'

'Yeah...ehhh....oke....Bye.'

'Bye.'

She left, leaving Buffy with a little hope for the first time since she found out she was in love with Xander. Meanwhile Anya had just lost all hope. She was afraid that she couldn't compete with a Buffy who actually loved Xander. An idea formed in her mind. Going back to the appartment, she found it empty.

She quickly gathered the supplies she needed. Calling for D'Hoffryn.

Tbc...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

We would make a great team.

Sunnydale CA, Buffy's house (8.30 AM)

Buffy didn't go back to sleep after Anya left, she simply couldn't. She just sat on the couch, completly shocked. She finally remembered she had to wake up Dawn, and that Xander was driving her to school. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she completly lost track ot time, he would be here any minute now. She went to Dawn's room to wake her up. Dawn had just gotten out of bed and, reluctantly, headed into the bathroom when she heard a knock on the door.

Xander stood infront of Buffy's house, telling himself that everything would be oke. She opened the door and suddenly he was less sure about that. The only thing that he was aware of is that he had a difficult decision to make.

Buffy had decided that she wouldn't bring up what she heard from Anya. She put on her plastic smile and began to say hello.

'Hey Xand, why didn't you tell me that you still have feelings for me ?'

She wanted to hit herself. Why could she never keep her mouth shut... Meanwhile Xander just stared at her, not believing what she just said. Finally his mind was able to produce an answer.

'Is _anything_ private in this town ? I had a dream and Lorne knows. I find out I still have feelings for you and somehow you know. Can't a guy get some privacy to figure stuff out...'

She smiled at him, even if it was half a smile.

' Ohhh God...sorry Xand, didn't mean to drop that bomb on you like that.'

She wanted to continue when Dawn came rushing down the stairs.

'Oke, I'm ready. Not really clean or fed, but ready. Let's go, I can't be late again. I'll get detention.'

She was gone, already heading to the car. Xander looked at Buffy.

'We'll talk about this later, oke ?'

She nodded. Behind him Dawn was having a fit.

'XANDER ! HURRY UP !'

He grinned.

'It looks like duty calls....loud... See ye later Buff.'

'Yeah, bye Xand.'

She closed the door. Cursing herself for her big mouth. How the hell would she get trough the talk they were going to have later ? Little did she know that Xander was thinking the same thing while driving Dawn to school.

Sunnydale CA, Xander's appartment. (8.45 AM)

Anya was in the middle of her chant to call on D'Hoffryn when there was a knock on the door. Sighing, she headed to the door. To see a still smoking blanket in front of her.

'Spike ! What the hell are you doing here ?'

'Came to talk to you, love.'

He trew of the blanket, since there was no sun in the hallway and wanted to walk into the appartment. Only he couldn't. 

'That's right, Little Robin Hood never invited me in.'

Anya just stared at him, wondering what brought him here. Meanwhile he looked past her, into the livingroom.

'Ah, you were working some magic huh... So I take it you know that an unnamed slayer is in love with a certain dweep.'

She just nodded.

'Why do you care ?'

'You know I love her.'

'Yeah, and we all find that creepy and very disturbing. Again, what do you want ?'

He gave her a smile.

'I want you and I to team up. I know you don't want to see those two together. You're in love with the carpenter.'

'I don't want your help. I'm doing fine on my own.'

'No your not, love, you are working magic to keep him. That's not doing fine on your own, that's forcing somebody to stay with you.'

'It's not,  I'm just making sure Xander will choose me. Where he belongs.'

'I slept with her.'

Anya couldn't believe she was hearing it right.

'You what ?'

'I slept with our little slayer, and something tells me that Wonder Boy isn't going to love that idea.'

'Your lying. Buffy would never sleep with you.'

'She did, and you can thank heaven for that, because there is no bloody way he wants to be with her when he finds out.'

Anya knew there was a good change he was right. Xander was disgusted by vampires, and even more disgusted with Spike. Maybe the thought of Buffy and Spike together would make the decision he had to make easy.

'Maybe your right,  but I still don't see how this is going to help. Buffy isn't going to tell him and if we do it...well... we will be the bad guys.'

'Yeah, but I don't care if I'm the bad guy, pet.'

'Than what do you need me for ?'

'I need you to work your charms om him after I tell him. Make him see what he will give up if he goes after Buffy.'

'So you think that if we put 'Buffy who slept with Spike' against me, his loving girlfriend, he will choose me ?'

'Yeah, I mean, why wouldn't he ?'

Anya nodded. 

' Go...  Make plans to tell him.'

He grinned.

'Be seeing you pet.'

And he was gone. She closed the door.

'Sorry Buff, but...I  just love him too much.'

Buffy's house ( 7.00 PM)

Xander pulled up in front of Buffy's house. He had a hard day at work, not concentrating on anything. He couldn't keep thoughts of Anya and Buffy out of his head. It was just too much. He loved Anya, but Buffy...well, she had always been special to him. She was Buffy. And to make matters worse she knew he had feelings for her. It also came to him that he never asked her how she found out. Sighing he got out of the car, they needed to talk.

Buffy was pacing the room, she was expecting Xander any second now. He hadn't called but she just knew that he would stop by after work. At that moment the doorbell rang and despite the fact that her life was a mess she smiled. She could always count on Xander.

Xander took a deap breath when she opened the door.

'How did you know ?'

She had expected the question.

'Come in, can I get you a drink ?'

He walked into the house.

'No Buff, I just want to know how you knew. Did Lorne tell you, because if he did I'm never trusting that guy again. And since I already have trust issues when it comes to demons...I mean...'

She interrupted.

'It was Anya.'

Xander heard her say the words but had a little trouble understanding them. It was Anya...As if his life wasn't complicated enough his fiancee knew he had feelings for another woman. His life couldn't get any better than this.

'She knows...An knows ?'

'Yeah, she heard the conversation between you and Lorne. And this morning she came to tell me that she wouldn't let you go without a fight.'

'Ohh...So what did you tell her ? I mean, you probably told her that I was your 'Xander shaped' friend but I'm still curious.' 

Buffy wanted to lie to him, but she couldn't any more. It was too hard, these feelings were to strong. And even though she knew that she would complicate matters even more for Xander, she just needed to tell him. He needed to know, so that he could make a desiscion. 

'Well..I kinda told her something different.'

'You told her something different...What did you tell her ?'

'I told her the truth.'

'Oke...which is ?'

She gathered all her courage.

'I love you.'

'I love you too Buff,  you know that, now please tell me what you told her.'

She couldn't believe that he was that stupid. Until she realised that he had told himself that she could never love him that way years ago. And now, well..his brain probably denied any information that said otherwise. She tried again.

'You don't get it Xand, I told her that I love you. Not in the friend way, although I do, but in the 'in love' way.'

Xander's world stopped. He just stared at the girl in front of him. And stayed that way. 

'Xander, Xand !! Ehh...please say something. Make a stupid joke, do something, cause...this is kinda scary.'

He found his voice.

'I need to sit.'

'You're already sitting.'

'Right, knew that.'

And he stopped talking again.

Buffy's house (8.00 PM)

Buffy was really freaking out by now, Xander still hadn't said a word. Well, that wasn't really true, he had talked. Only not about what she had told him. He had been sitting on the couch for a couple of minutes, completly in shock.  Buf after a while he had smiled at her. At first she had been relieved, but than he had turned on the tv and started chatting like nothing happened. She had decided that she would play along, since he clearly wasn't ready to talk about it yet. But after nearly an hour she couldn't take it anymore.

'Oke Xand, enough !! Stop talking about a rerun off Friends. I just told you that I'm in love with you. We have to talk about this.'

At first he wouldn't look at her, but slowly he turned to her.

'Talk about this...talk about this !!  Oke Buff, let's talk about this. Let's talk about the fact that my life is a bad soap opera. Let's talk about the fact that I just found out you wished my girlfriend away and that I have feelings for you. Let's talk about the fact that there is Anya, the girl I asked to marry me, who knows that I'm torned between her and someone else. And finally let's talk about the fact that now you tell me you love me !!'

'I know it's difficult Xand...'

'Difficult... That's a big understatement. I mean, the fact that you love me changes so much. Before this, the choice was hard but one I could make. On the one hand I had you, my best friend, and than there was Anya, my lover. It would have picked Anya, because I love her and she loves me and you and I are just friends. Although there is probably always a part of my that thinks of you as more than my best friend. But now, now...you love me too, and...I just don't know anymore.'

He got up from the couch.

'I gotta go Buff, this is too much right now. I need to think.'

She knew she had to let him go.

'Can you just promise me that, at least, I will never lose you as my best friend ?'

He nodded.

'You know Buffy, Willow and Xander are unbreakable.'

She smiled, despite her tears.

'Yeah, I know.'

He walked to the door. She stopped him.

'Be careful on your way home. A lot of bad things out there.'

'Yeah...bye.'

He was gone.

Xander stepped out of Buffy's house, not allowing himself to think too much. He thought back of his days in highschool and how different that had been. They were fighting the big bad and he had been busy hating Angel. Life was simple, not easy, but at least not the big mess it was now.

'Hi there Xander !'

He turned around to see Spike.

'Great, a forced conversation with a guy I hate. At least it can't make my day any worse.'

'Yeah, you just wait and see about that.'

'Oke, I think this talk has been long enough. Be seeing you, have fun standing behind the tree in front of Buffy's house waiting for her to undress in front of the window.'

Spike laughed.

'Already seen it Wonderboy.'

'You're sad.'

'Maybe, but that wasn't what Buffy was panting when I was giving her the night of her life. Poor girl... probably never had any decent sex with Angel and the little soldier boy so she had a lot to catch up on.'

Xander turned around, a grin on his face.

'Finally ! Something funny about this day, do you really think that I believe Buffy had sex with you. C'mon, she wouldn't touch you if the world depended on it.'

'Things change boy, Buffy touched me and believe me when I say she touched me real good.'

Xander looked at the vampire, suprised to see the convidence on his face.

'You're lying.'

Spike started to walk away.

'Why don't you ask her. The look on her face will tell you everything you need to know.'

Xander just watched him go, and wanted to go home. But somehow the look on Spike's face had put some doubt in his mind. He just needed to be reassured by Buffy that the vampire was talking crap. So, he went back.

Buffy was sitting in her livingroom, feeling depressed. Remembering the hurt and confusion of Xander. At that moment the doorbell rang. She got up to see Xander there. She felt relieved.

'Oh, thank God you came back, I was worried about you and I'm so glad you decided we need to talk about this.'

She smiled at him, but he didn't smile back.

'Did you have sex with Spike ?'

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

TBC...


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten 

EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART

Sunnydale CA, Buffy's house ( 8.30 PM)

'Did you have sex with Spike ?'

Buffy just stared at Xander, not knowing what to say. Her mind wasn't coming up with anything. It wasn't necessary however, Xander knew. The look of terror and shame on her face told him everything he needed to know. And he felt disgusted, with her, with Spike and with himself. For not being able to try and understand.  He felt pain, for the girl standing before him. This strong, independant woman and what she had become. A shell of what she used to be.

But most of all, he felt rage, this strong, uncontroleable feeling that blocked out all the other feelings he was having.

'Oh my God, he wasn't lying.... You did it, you slept with him. With Spike, a thing.'

He fell silent, not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to handle.

'Xand, you gotta believe me, it was a mistake. I never intended to...'

'To do what, sleep with him. Give him hope, degrade yourself. Tell me, cause I'm kinda curious to find out what you never intended.'

'To hurt you...'

He laughed, but it didn't sound anything like his normal, cheerful, laugh.

'You didn't want to hurt me. Don't you think it's a bit late for that. Don't you think you could have thought about that before you did...this.'

She wanted to defend herself. To tell him that she lived her own life and that he had no say what so ever about that. But she knew she couldn't tell him that. Not now she told him that she loved him, and even if she hadn't done that, she couldn't. Because, even when he was just her best friend to her, she had known that she would hurt him if she slept with Spike. And she did it anyway.

'What do you want to hear, that I have no excuse. That I made a mistake, fine I'll tell you that.'

'I don't want to hear that.'

She didn't know what to do anymore.

'Than, what do you want from me ?'

He heard the pain in her voice, but it did nothing to him. The images of her and him together kept flashing before his eyes. And he let it all out, the hurt, the rage, the dissapointment, everything.

'I want you to tell me how you can say that you love me, while sleeping with him. How you could let him touch you. How you can live with yourself. I want to know how you were able to look me in the eyes and feed me this crap about loving me. I want to know if I can ever look at you again without...without feeling disgusted by the sight of you. I want you to tell me where the Buffy I know is. And I want you to tell me how I can stop hating you.'

She cried, not only because of what he said to her but also because of his eyes. They were usually full of love when directed to her. She couldn't see anything in them anymore. They were empty.

'I didn't know that I loved you when I slept with him.'

'You didn't know !! Now, that makes everything fine and dandy again. You didn't know that you loved me... Do you even believe that yourself ?'

'It's true oke, I didn't know I loved you until Lorne told me. And that was after...it happened. And I'm sorry about blocking these feelings I was having for you, but I'm kinda not used to them. I'm not used to loving anybody, not since Angel...and I guess...I guess I didn't regonize it.'

'You didn't regonize it. Maybe that's true, and maybe you were lonely and whatever... But no matter how you twitch this story, it all comes down to the same thing. You had strong enough feelings for Spike to sleep with him.'

She was yelling now.

'I SLEPT WIH HIM BECAUSE YOU WERE WITH HER !!'

Her voice became a whisper.

'You were with her, loving her. Being happy. And I...I felt miserable, alone. And Spike...he was there. I used him. And yeah, maybe I found him attractive. He's a goodlooking guy.'

He tried to hear what she was telling him, tried to understand. But it was no use, right now, it was just too hard.

'I can't do this right now. I can't stand here and talk to you like this. Not when I hate you this much. Not with mental images of you and Spike having sex. I can't.'

He turned to leave, but she stopped him.

'When will you be ready ?'

'I don't know, maybe tomorrow, maybe never...'

She cried again.

'But you said I could never lose you.'

'Yeah well, you once told me Spike didn't stand a change with you.'

And with that he left her. She stood in front of her house and watched him leave. Watched him walk away from her without looking back. When he was out of sight she closed the door. Crying harder than before. It took a long time before she did anything else than that, but after an hour she got up and started looking for the phone. She needed somebody to talk to, and she couldn't go to Willow, she couldn't let her get caught in the middle. On the other end of the line a voice was heared.

'Angel Investigations. We help the helpless, what can I do for you ?'

'Cordy ? It's Buffy, I need to speak to Lorne. Do you know where I can reach him ?'

'Yeah, I have a number where he can be reached. Hold on.'

She returned a couple of seconds later and gave Buffy the number.

'Buffy, are you oke ?'

'No, not really. But you can't help me. Thank you for giving the number to me. Gotta go now.'

And she hung up. Leaving Cordy wondering. She dialed the number she was given. She needed somebody, and Lorne would understand. Would listen to her, make the pain bearable. For now, that was all she could hope for.

Sunnydale CA, Xander's appartment (9.00 PM)

Anya was sitting in the livingroom, waiting for Xander. Spike had called her earlier, telling her that he had told Xander and that they were having a big fight in front of Buffy's house. She knew he would be getting home real soon. He needed his fiance right now, the woman who would always love him and never leave him. He needed her. It was just...even tough she knew that working with Spike had been necessary for the cause, it wasn't something she was proud off. It wasn't something Xander would appreciate if he ever found out. Which meant she had to lie to him and she hated doing that. She also hated the fact that their lives had become so complicated. That she needed to work with Spike to make sure Xander would stay with her. And for the first time she wondered if she and Xander would ever be truly happy. If she could be happy with a guy she would never have completly, since there would always be a part of him in love with Buffy. The door opened and Xander walked into the appartment. Slamming the door behind him. She looked at him and got scared by what she saw. He looked like his world had just been destroyed in front of his eyes.

'Hi Xand, ehh...how was work today ?'

Xander was suprised to hear her voice. Coming from Buffy's he just wanted to go home, and marvel in his anger. He hadn't thought about Anya at all and didn't expect to find her here. Wich was a bit stupid of course, she was always with him. Hardly ever going to her own appartment any more.

'I know you listened in on my conversation with Lorne, so there's no need for smalltalk An.'

She flinched at the sound of his voice. It sounded cold and nothing like the Xander she knew. The Xander she loved.

'Are you going to leave me because you love her ?'

He laughed. A short, bitter, laugh.

'Right now, I don't even like her. I'm thinking no.'

Again she was hurt. This time by what he had said.

'So, you're staying with me because you don't like her. Don't you think you should be staying with me because you like me more, love me more ?'

He wanted to answer the question, but he couldn't handle yet another conversation with a woman who wanted his love. Especially since he really doubted that he was capable of loving anybody right now.

'Probably,  I don't know An. Right now, I really don't know anything....except that I need a drink.'

He walked to the fridge, taking out a sixpack of beer. Opening one of them he began drinking. Anya just stood there and watched him. She had known that he would be pretty shaken up once he found out the truth about Spike and Buffy, but she hadn't expected this. He was totally numb, absorbed in his own little world. And in that instance she knew that, even though she would continue fighting for him, she had lost. The pain she saw in front of her had nothing to do with a friend being betrayed. She saw a man who was hurt by the woman he trusted more than life. She saw a man who had lost the faith in the woman he loved more than life.

And she just needed to get away from him. She would try again in the morning, cause she couldn't give him up. Next to her lover he was her friend and he needed her. 

'Xand, I'm gonna go.  I don't really think there is much I can do for you now. I'll be back in the morning, to check on you.'

He was touched by her continuing support, and when he looked at her he realised that he wasn't the only one who had been hurt tonight.

'I really do love you, An. Please believe that.'

She smiled.

'I believe that.'

She left him. She really did believe him, he just didn't love her enough.

Sunnydale CA (9.15 PM)

Anya walked out of Xander's appartment building. She wanted to go home and get a good night rest. Xander needed her tomorrow and she needed to be strong. For his and her own sake. But she was suprised by the sight of Spike, blocking her way.

'What the bloody hell are you doing here ? Go back inside, charm the socks of that boy. Make him forget Buffy.'

'It's no use. I can't reach him.'

Spike didn't know what he was hearing.

'So, you're giving up ?'

'No, I'm not giving him up. I love him and even if he will never love me as much as Buffy I'll still stay with him.'

The vampire shook his head.

'You're realy sickening nobel and loyal.'

He gave her a smile.

'I like it. It's why Wonder Boy will stay with you in the end.'

She couldn't believe how stupid he was.

'If he stays with me it's because he can't forgive her.'

She walked past him, considering the conversation over. Spike was left behind.

'I wonder why everybody in this town suddenly loves that kid so unconditional. These humans are all acting bloody stupid. What the hell do they see in him ?'

LA, Angel's hotel (10.00 PM)

Angel was just looking into some books to find information about a demon he was supposed to fight tonight when Lorne came bursting in.

'Angel my man, we have a mission.'

The vampire looked at him unimpressed, he was used to Lorne getting worked up over nothing.

'If you don't mind, I'm kinda in the middle of a mission right now.'

Lorne sighed, sometimes it was impossible to get Angel interested in anything.

'I just spend to the last half hour talking to an crying slayer.'

Angel suddenly was all ears.

'Buffy ?'

'Yes, Buffy. She's in trouble, and we are going to help her.'

'Tell me what I need to do.'

Lorne thought about what he was going to say next, since he knew the vampire wouldn't like what he was about to say. He decided to be blunt.

'We are going to make sure Buffy finds happiness with the man she loves.'

Angel just looked at him.

'I'm not going to help you playing matchmaker for Buffy and some guy I don't know.'

Lorne laughed.

'You do know him, it's Xander.'

Angel was speechless. So Lorne continued.

'Are you going to help me ?'

tbc...


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

Here comes the rescue team !

LA, Angel's hotel (10.15 PM)

Lorne was a bit worried about the vampire sitting across the room from him. Since he had told the news about Xander and Buffy Angel had been even more quiet than usual. Finally, he spoke.

'Do you really want me to believe that Buffy loves Xander ?'

Lorne just nodded.

'But I hate that kid...'

'Yeah well, Buffy doesn't.'

Angel got up from his chair. Pacing the room.

'I don't get why we need to help them, I mean, he loves her. Always has. What's the problem ?'

'He has a girlfriend. In fact, he's planning on marrying her.'

'He'll never do that. No matter how much he thinks he loves that girl. She's not Buffy. Again, what's the problem ?'

Lorne wished he could have avoided the next bit of information he had to give Angel. But he had no such luck.

'Eh...well...Xander and Buffy are kinda in a big fight right now. He's pretty mad at her.'

Angel was suprised by the news. In the years that he had spend with the Scoobies he had seen Buffy and Xander fight. But never very intense, except when it concerned Buffy's relationship with him. Xander was not a big fan off vampires, but he disliked the fact that Buffy loved Angel more. But other than fighting over that they never had any problems. And since he wasn't in Sunnydale anymore he wondered what could have made Xander so upset with her.

'Why are they fighting ?'

Lorne took a deap breath. 

'He found out that she...ehhh...well...she kinda....she had sex with Spike...'

Angel needed to sit down again.

'He found out that she had...w-what ?'

'Buffy slept with Spike, she was feeling lonely and depressed and it only happened one night. It meant nothing to her.'

Angel still needed to process the information.

'I can't believe she slept with Spike...

He shook his head.

 'What has gotten into her ?'

Lorne tried again.

'It meant nothing to her.'

'Yeah, but it means everything to Xander. He's been at her side for years now, and she's never given him the light of day. And now he has to accept that she even choose _Spike_ over him.'

Lorne looked at the vampire. Suprised at how calm he seemed, even though he was clearly shocked by the news.

'How do you feel about this ?'

'I'm worried about her. The Buffy I knew would never have done this, and with her best friend mad at her right now...Who knows what she will do...'

'She's devastated. Not just because he's her best friend. She really loves him, you know. She just found out too late.'

'I still don't get why we, of all people, are the ones to help them.'

'It's a longshot, but I hope that we can reach him. Make him see what he's giving up if he doesn't forgive her. And I also hope that it will mean more to him coming from you. He still sees you as her one true love. The one nobody can't ever compete against. Maybe it will help him if he sees that you believe in them together.'

Angel wished he could.

'The only problem is that I don't. Not really. I mean, this is Buffy we're talking about.'

' I know... But be honest, do you see yourself having a future with her ? Ever ?'

Angel sighed. He knew that there wasn't a chance of that ever happening. Not anymore, they had changed too much in the last couple of years.

'No, I know that we're never getting back together.'

'And if it can't be you making her happy, why shouldn't it be Xander ? He's a good kid. You know that Angel.'

Angel nodded.

'Yeah, I know that. He can be pretty annoying, but he'll do anything for her. And he's a hell of a lot better for her than Spike.'

Lorne decided to ask the question again.

'So what do you say, will you help them ?'

The vampire thought about it. He knew that it was the right thing to do. He had moved on, even though he would always love Buffy, and she deserved to be happy. And, if he was honest with himself, Xander would the right guy for her. It was why he never liked him back in Sunnydale. Somehow he had always sensed that they would be good together.

'I'll help them.'

Lorne's face broke out in a huge smile.

'I knew I could count on you. You're a swell vampire, you know that ?'

'I already said I'd do it Lorne. No need for sweettalk. Now, if you don't mind, I have a demon I need to fight tonight.'

'You don't need to tell me twice man. I'm going. See you tomorrow ?'

Angel nodded.

'We'll head out to Sunnydale as soon as the sun can't turn me into a pile of dust anymore.'

Lorne laughed.

'You're becoming funny in your old days.'

He gave him a glare.

'Get out Lorne.'

'Right, gone.'

Sunnydale CA, Xander's appartment ( 9.00 AM)

Anya walked into the appartment. Relieved to see Xander on the couch, sleeping. Empty beer cans next to him on the floor. She looked around her, the appartment was a mess. There were broken glasses on the floor and from the looks of the appartment those weren't the only things that he had trown around. He did not have a peaceful night, that was sure. She watched him sleeping, he looked like he didn't have a care in the world. If only that was true. She started cleaning up the mess and the sound of her stumbling around the appartment woke him up.

Xander slowly opened his eyes. He had a terrible headache and he heared something in his livingroom. When he looked up he saw Anya trowing away the beer cans. He smiled, remembering that she had told him that she would stop by in the morning to check on him.

'Hi.'

His voice didn't sound too good.

She turned around, trying to be cheerful.

'Hi there, good morning.'

It sounded fake, to both of them.

He got up, trying to ignore the pain in his head.

'You didn't need to come down here to check on my. I appreciate it, really, but you didn't have to do that.'

'I had too, you can't be alone right now.'

He smiled.

'Thanks An.'

He walked over to the bathroom when it dawned on him that she was treating him like someone in pain rather than someone who had to make a tough decision.

'Why are you treating me like this, telling me that I can't be alone right now ?'

She panicked.

'Well..with all this stuff going on. Having to choose between me and Buffy...I mean, that's gotta be tough. What will you do, who will you choose, and I just thought it might be easier if I gave you some space to...decide.'

He would have believed her if she had looked him in the eye and if she wasn't Anya. Cause it didn't make sense, Anya wouldn't leave him so he could make his decision. She would fight for him, probably giving him the best sex of his life to make sure he choose her.

'You're lying An. You know, don't you ?'

She wanted to denie it to him ,but she knew he would see right trough her.

'Yeah, I know. Spike told me.'

'He sure has a fun time telling everybody, hasn't he ?'

'Yeah, he kinda has.'

'You knew before I did, didn't you ?'

She just nodded.

'Did you guys plan this ? Telling me, to make sure I wouldn't end up with Buffy ?'

Again a nod.

'But I didn't like it. I just had too, I mean...I didn't think you would stay with me if I didn't.'

Xander looked at her and realised he wasn't mad at her. He sensed that she had been desperate, willing to do anything and he understood that. Spike was a bit much too handle in a situation like that. It wasn't her fault.

'I understand.'

She felt relieved at his words, but she also knew that this was it. That it was over, it could never work. Despite what she had told Spike just a couple of hours earlier. She couldn't fight this, he wouldn't let her. Cause he really did love her and he wanted more for her. And maybe it was time that she wanted more for herself too.

'It's over, isn't it ?'

Xander stood there, realising again that she was much smarter than anybody gave her credit for. He wished she was wrong, but she wasn't. It was over, he couldn't stay with her. Not like this, not with her plotting against him to keep him. And most importantly, not with Buffy always standing between them. It wasn't fair to be with her like that, she deserved better.

'Yeah, I think this is it.'

She held back the tears, there would be plenty later.

'Was I always a substitute for you ?'

He flinched when she asked him that. 

'No, you were never a substitute. You gave my selfesteem, you loved me. And I loved you, I did, I do. I had forgotten about Buffy years ago, at least in the romantic way. But lately, with everything that happened...'

'She came back to haunt you, huh.'

'I guess you can say that, and maybe in the back of my head she was never gone. But you have to believe me when I tell you that I never saw you as a substitute for Buffy. I was with you because you were you.'

Somehow she believed him.

'Are you going to be with her now ?'

'No, I'm still too mad. Besides, she doesn't love me.'

Anya didn't know what to think off that.

'She does Xander, if she didn't I wouldn't have felt treatened by her.'

'She just thinks that she loves me. She needs to convince herself of the fact that she isn't attracted to Spike and I'm her security blanket.'

Anya listened to his words and the fear behind it and she knew that he needed to convince himself of the fact that Buffy didn't love him. He was afraid that if he believed and he would let her get close to him that she would eventually leave him. After all this years he still didn't believe that he could be the one that she would be happy with. But this knowledge wasn't something she could do anything with, she couldn't convince Xander that Buffy did love him. That was too much. It was bad enough that she was losing him, she didn't want to be the one to get those two together. Maybe that was selfish of her, but right now it was just not something she could do.

'Xand, I wish I could help you, really I do. But I can't. I know we are doing the right thing here, but it hurts when you talk about her. I'm sorry.'

He wanted to kick himself for being such an jerk, they were breaking up and he was talking about another girl.

'Don't be sorry, I should be the one that's sorry. I know you're not going to believe this but I'm going to miss you.'

She walked over and gave him a hug.

'I really need to get out of here now.'

He nodded. As soon as the door closed behind her she started crying. Not believing that they really just ended everything. She went back to her appartment. She needed to decide what she would do next. She needed to decide what she would do with the rest of her life now.

Sunnydale CA, Buffy's house ( 2.00 PM)

Buffy was just back from patrol and was getting ready for bed when there was a knock on the door. When she opened the door she saw Angel.

'Angel.'

'Buffy.'

Neither knew what to say next. It wasn't neccesary however, behind Angel Lorne came bursting trough the door.

'We are here to save the day sweetie.'

She blinked.

'What ?'

'We are going to make sure you and Xander will be happy together.'

Before Buffy could give an answer another voice was heard.

'Do you really think I'm going to stand by and let you two wankers fix everything ?'

Angel turned around, an amused grin on his face.

'Spike, so good to see you.'

'Yeah, can't say I missed you much.'

Angel stepped forward, punching the younger vampire unconcious. Lorne and Buffy just stood there, both there mouths open. He turned to them.

'I guess I needed to get that out of my systeem...'

tbc...


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Calvary is here !

Buffy's house (2.10 PM)

Buffy stood there, looking at Spike on the floor. Spike, who was knocked out by Angel. She turned to her former boyfriend.

'What the hell did you do that for ?'

His voice was harsh.

'Oh, sorry, I didn't know it was against the rules to hurt your _lover_...'

Buffy turned red, feeling ashamed about the fact that everybody seemed to know about her and Spike.

'Lorne !!! Did you tell him ?'

The demon looked a bit uneasy.

'I might have let it slip out...'

She sighed.

'That's just great. Just what I needed Lorne. Somebody else to yell at me.'

Angel interrupted.

'I'm not here to yell at you. Don't get me wrong, I think you're an idiot, but I'm not here to judge. I've done a lot of stupid things in my days too. It's just...seeing Spike was a whole other matter. I just wanted to wipe that smug expression of his face.'

Lorne laughed.

'That you did my man, that you did.'

At that moment Willow and Dawn came down the stairs. Wondering what all the noices were about. The witch looked around her.

'Buffy, what is Angel doing here ? Who is this green guy ? And why is Spike unconscious on the floor ?'

Dawn chipped in.

'Three excellent questions.'

Buffy cursed herself for having to go through this yet again.

'I don't know what Angel is doing here. That green guy is Lorne. A friend from Angel's. He's also the one who made my see that I love Xander and who can't keep his mouth shut about me sleeping with Spike. Which is why Spike is lying there. Angel decided that he was more fun when he wasn't talking or moving at all.'

Willow didn't know what to process first. It had been a while since she and Buffy really talked, but she didn't knew that she missed this much. Meanwhile Dawn had less time grasping all of it.

'You love Xander ? Cool ! About Spike, less cool. Jeezz sis.'

Willow was ready to have her say about all of this.

'You....you s-slept with Spike. As in sleeping together, having sex, slept with Spike ?'

Buffy nodded, Willow continued.

'And, and now you love Xander, as in ' I wanna have sex with him' love ?'

'No Will, as in ' I wanna make love to Xander' love.'

Willow smiled.

'Ahhh, that's so sweet... also very unexpected, amazing and earthshattering, but still...sweet. And..ehhh Buff, do you remember Anya ?'

'She not the only problem Will, Xan also knows about me and Spike. He only found out _after_ I told him that I loved him. He's furious, he won't talk to me.'

At that moment there was a knock on the door. Lorne, who was still standing by the door, opened. Anya was there. She had been sitting home, crying about losing Xander. Eventually she had decided that she needed to see Buffy. Maybe talking to her would help a bit. She was suprised to see Lorne.

'Oh, it's you again...'

'Not to exicted to see you either, sweetie.'

Buffy motioned her to come in.

'What are you doing here Anya ?'

The ex-demon looked around the room.

'We broke up. It-it didn't work anymore.'

Buffy felt relieved and sad by the news at the same time.

'What happened ?'

'You happened.'

Angel, who had been quiet all this time, decided to let his presence known again.

'He's free Buff. You can take a change now. Fight for him, overcome his anger. I mean, you have to try.'

Anya turned to him.

'Hello ! I'm standing here ! Hurting !'

'I know, believe me, I know. But sometimes you gotta face that it wasn't meant to be.'

Anya started crying, trowing herself into Lorne's arms.

'I don't want to face that...'

Lorne patted her on the back, looking at Angel desperatly. Not knowing what to do. Eventually he just started to stroke her back and it seemed to calm her down a bit.

Buffy felt terrible looking at her. She decided that she needed to think about something else. 

'Oke, I think there are to many people in my house in the middle of the night. And don't get me wrong, some of you have reasons to be here. I mean, there's the 'I live here' people, and the 'I'm always stalking you' unconscious vampire on the floor, and don't forget the 'You broke my relationship apart' crying girl. All people with valid reasons to be here. Of course there's also the 'We're from LA and still haven't told you why we're here' people. Who better explain fast...'

Angel decided that this was his cue to step in.

'Well, we're here to help you. We wanna see if we can get you and Xander together.'

Buffy couldn't believe it.

'So, if I get this straight, my ex-boyfriend is here to help me get together with a guy he doens't even like...'

Willow nodded.

'I'd say that about covers it completly Buff.'

'Thanks Will.'

Angel tried again.

'Look, I know it sounds stupid. And I wasn't cheering for it either when I first heard this idea from Lorne. But it makes sense. Only a little, but still, sense. I love you. You love Xander and being with him would take you out of the 'I'm so depressed I slept with Spike' fase. It would make you happy. So, that's why I'm here. I wanna know that you're happy.'

Willow smiled again.

'Ahh, that's kinda sweet too. But again unexpected.'

Dawn just shook her head.

'What a load of crap ! Buffy, you don't need other people to convince Xander that you love him. You gotta do it yourself sis. Show him what he means to you.'

Anya looked up from Lorne's embrace.

'He won't believe it from anybody else but you. You see, in his mind you can't love him and the only one to help him get rid of that idea are you.'

Buffy was impressed.

'You've come a long way since you first became human.'

'Yeah, well, that doesn't make it hurt any less.'

'I know An, I'm sorry.'

Anya didn't say anything and pulled herself away from Lorne. The demon looked relieved. She made her way to the door.

'If you want him, you gotta fight for him. But don't expect me to cheer you on, I can't.'

She wanted to go, but stopped and turned to Buffy one more time.

'If you hurt him I will kill you.'

Buffy knew she had no reason to feel treatened by Anya, but something told her the ex-demon wasn't lying here. So she nodded to let her know that she had understood the message, and Anya left. 

The sound of the door closing was the first thing that entered Spike's brain again. He also remembered seeing Angel coming at him, and everything going black afterwards. He started to move, trying to sit up while touching his head that still hurt a little. Seeing Angel he quickly got up, fully intenting to get his revenge.

'You wanker, you think you can hit me and get away with it ?'

The group faced Spike. Obviously not impresssed, in fact Angel looked bored.

' Look, little Spikey is awake and treatening me...I'm really shaking in my boots.'

He looked down at his feet.

'If I had any.'

Buffy rolled her eyes, not wanting yet another fight between them. 

'Spike, leave !'

'I'm not leaving. That bloody soul freak hit me !!'

She started to get angry.

'I don't care if he hit you. I want you to go.'

'But...'

'No buts Spike, you can voluntary leave or I'll kick your butt out of my house.'

The bleached vampire realised she wasn't joking, so he decided to do the smart thing. But not before he gave Angel one more angry look. Buffy turned to the remaining people in the livingroom.

'Guys, if you don't mind, I'm kinda tired. So, Angel, Lorne, why don't you guys crash on the couch. We'll talk in the morning.'

Angel didn't really feel like sleeping, but he obliged anyway. It was obvious that Buffy wasn't going to listen to anything more tonight. Willow wanted to go upstairs until she remembered something.

'Angel, you better close the curtains. We don't wanna be sweeping you up in the morning.'

He smiled at her as a thanks and she and Dawn went back to their bedrooms. With Buffy following right behind them. Angel and Lorne were left standing there. The green demon looked at his partner.

'Well, I think that went well.'

'Yeah, we were a big hit. Just go to sleep Lorne.'

'Ehhh...Angel...tiny problem, there's only one couch... We could share... if you want.'

'I think I'll pass, thanks. Take the couch, I don't mind a chair.'

Meanwhile, Buffy was getting ready for bed, smiling somewhat at her weird night and all the people that had dropped by in the middle of the night. Except for the most important one, and he was the only one that she really needed to see...

Xander's appartment (2.30 PM)

Xander had big trouble sleeping. He kept playing the conversation with Anya over and over in his head. He was sorry that he hurt her so bad. She didn't deserve that. Nobody deserved that. But that wasn't the only thing he had been thinking about. 

No matter how much he tried not too, somehow his thoughts kept wandering to Buffy. He hated fighting with her, he always had. But this time it was worse, cause she had never looked at him like that before during a fight. She had never looked at him like he was breaking her heart. And he loaded the look, he had seen it to many times the last couple of days. It seemed like all he could do nowadays was hurt people.

And, if he was honest with himself, he missed her. It had been only a day since their fight and he already missed her. Maybe he had been too harsh on her, but the thought of her and Spike together just made him lose it. It still did, but he was beginning to understand why she did it. She had been so unhappy, and she just saw no other way out. And he kinda blamed himself for that. He had seen that she wasn't the Buffy they all knew and loved and he had done nothing. Not enough anyway. So, in the end, he kinda understood why she turned to Spike. He just wished he could tell her that. But that meant getting over his fear, not the fear of her going back to Spike again. No, the fear that she would leave him someday.

It just couldn't be possible that she loved him. He dreaded himself for thinking that. Because it meant that he didn't have enough fate in himself, it meant that he didn't trust her enough. And that just ripped him apart, the fact that he was letting fear take over his life.

The sound of a knock on the door, made him jump out of bed. Scared, thinking that maybe something had happened to her. When he opened the door he blinked. Not sure of what he saw.

'Angel ?'

'Yeah, it's me. I need to talk to you. Can I come in ?'

'That depends, are you with or without soul ?'

Angel smiled.

'Angelus wouldn't bother coming to you. You don't mean that much to him.'

Xander knew that he was right about that.

'Come in.'

Angel stepped into the appartment. Amazed at the beauty of it. The boy really had become a man.

'Nice place.'

'Thanks.'

'You're probably wondering why I'm here ?'

'Not really, I've been getting strange visits in the night a lot lately. Let me guess, it's about Buffy.'

Angel nodded.

'But she doesn't know I'm here. She would kill me if she knew.'

'So, what is it you wannna tell me ?'

'I'm not here to tell you something. I'm hear to show you something...'

tbc...


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Inside out 

Xander's appartment, 2.40 PM

'I'm here to show you something…' Angel said.

Xander looked a bit bored by the news. He couldn't imagine anything that Angel could show him that would make him believe Buffy loved him. The vampire sensed his hesitation.

'I promise this will help you. Both of you.'

Xander decided he had nothing to lose, or so he hoped.

'Oke, let's see what you got to show me.'

'You need to follw me outside. I can't show you here.'

Xander nodded, following Angel out of his appartment. The two walked in silence. The years apart had brought them some respect for eachother, it didn't bring them friendship. They could never be friends, she would always stand between them. Angel took Xander across town, to the Restfield cemetry. Xander looked around him, the sight of the graveyard not too calming for his nerves. Why would Angel bring him here ? 

'Are you leading me here so you can kill me ?'

'You still don't trust me, do you ?'

'No, I don't. You gotta earn trust, it isn't something I just give to people.'

'Maybe we're more alike than you think.'

Leaving Xander to think about that, Angel started walking faster. Aproaching his goal. They were headed to a crypt, and when they reached it Angel knocked down the door, entering. Meanwhile Xander just stood there, not to sure if he wanted to follow. His curiousity got the better of him, he just hoped it wouldn't get him killed. The first thing he saw almost made him leave the crypt in a hurry, but he told himself to stay. Angel was hugging something, asking it how it had been. The demon was quite large, smelled repelling and didn't look so good either. But Xander quickly decided he wasn't going to comment on it, the demon was twice his size. He was probably saver just standing there. Until it approached him.

'Xander Harris.'

'That's me.'

It came out steady and he thanked himself for that. The demon looked at Angel, wondering why he would bring a human with him. Xander was doing the same thing.

'Deadboy, why the hell am I doing here ?'

Angel smiled, he could sense that the boy wasn't all too comfortable. And he couldn't help smirking about that just a little. He quickly got back to buisness.

'Xander, this is Morlakeka. He's an old friend of mine. Who happens to own me a favor.'

He glanced at the demon while making that last comment. Pleased to see that Morlakeka hadn't forgot.

'I'm here to ask you to help me.'

The demon looked at Angel, not really hiding how suprised he was.

'You want me to work my magic on him ? Why ?'

'Complicated story. Let's just say this is something I need to do.'

Xander was getting impatient, not really getting what they were talking about.

'Look, Angel, Morla...eh..Morla..demon, I really don't think I want any magic used on me. I mean it's probably a rush and all, but I think I could live without that kind of fun. Not to say that I'm not a fun guy, I'm just...'

Morlakeka interupted.

'Quiet !'

He turned his head to Angel, who just nodded. He walked over to Xander and placed his claws around his head. Xander was wishing he had just stayed in his appartment by now. Morlakeka looked at Angel.

'Who is he to see ?'

'Buffy Summers.'

Before Xander could comprehend what this meant his world went black.

A room, 3.05 PM

Xander woke up, wondering what just happened. He expected to see Angel and the demon, he expected to still be in the crypt. He wasn't. He looked around him. He was lying in a room, which was pretty large but had nothing in it. He also noticed four doors, leading to, what he expected, other rooms. He started to freak out a bit, not knowing how he got here.

'Angel, demon whose name I can't remember...Are you guys here ?'

He only heard the echo of his voice. Sighing, he got up. He needed to find out where he was so he could find out how to get out of here and back to his own world. He had no choice but to open one of the rooms, but while he thought that a door already opened. He looked at it suprised.

'My thoughts are coming true, think about a naked Buffy and Twinkies...'

He tried, but nothing happened. So much for thinking his way into heaven... He walked over to the room that had opened. When he got near it he heard voices. Voices he knew all too well. When he walked into the room he saw Willow, Tara, Dawn, Joyce and Giles. He blinked, looking at Joyce like she was a ghost. Which to him, she was. They were sitting around a large table, eating, laughing, having a good time. He just stood there for a couple of minutes, looking at Joyce. Remembering her. Remembering a time when they were happy. Looking at the table again he noticed that he wasn't there, Buffy wasn't there. 

He stepped into the room completly, walking over to Willow.

'Will, you gotta help me ! I'm stuck here, and I don't even know where 'here' is... Do a spell, take me home, please.'

His best friend kept eating, laughing at a joke Giles made while holding Tara's hand. She didn't seem to hear him. He tried again, touching her shoulder, at least he tried to touch her but he touched nothing. He tried again, again touching nothing. He moved his hand to the place her shoulder was, again nothing. Which was weird, because he could see and hear her perfectly well. He walked over to Dawn, trying to touch her, he couldn't. He got the same result with Giles, Joyce and Tara. He couldn't touch them, they couldn't hear him. They just kept doing what they were doing.

Almost desperate he walked away from them, going to the other rooms, trying to open them. They stayed closed, the only room he could enter was where his friends were. Not knowing what to do for now, he sat in the corner of the room. Looking at his friends, hearing them talk. He tried to remember the last time he had seen them this happy, this worryless. He couldn't. He stayed there for hours. Watching them, thinking about why he was here. Why he wasn't there with them, and why Buffy wasn't there. Eventually he fell asleep. 

When we woke up he was back in the big room. All the doors were closed. When he walked over to the room he had seen earlier he couldn't open it. He shook his head, this was getting a bit too much for him. He felt lonely and wanted to talk to Buffy more than anything else. She would know what to do.

Before he could think about her some more a second door opened. He got up, hoping this room would deliver some answers.

When he walked in he saw Angel, kissing Buffy. He saw them making love after they had escaped from the Judge. He saw the tenderness and the love and while it hurt him to see it, he also saw the beauty of it. He regonized it, remembering his times with Anya. He saw Buffy's pain after Angel had turned, he saw her crying in her room. Holding on to the ring he had given her. He felt her tears when Angel returned from hell, he felt the longing she had felt after he was back. And he felt her pain again after he had left.

Next, he saw Parker. It wasn't a image he was happy to see. He had hated the guy for what he had done to Buffy. He saw them having sex. This time he couldn't see any love, all he saw was lust. He saw Parker telling Buffy that all they had was fun and he wanted to rip the guy apart. He felt that she had lost some of her faith in men because of him.

The scene changed again and Riley appeared. He smiled, he had liked that guy. He was one of the few male friends he had ever known and he had been good to Buffy. He saw how she fell in love with him, slowly. Learning to love again. He also saw that she never really succeeded, never let her guard down completly. And he understood why Riley had done what he did, why he had left. It didn't make the fact that he had let himself be bitten by vampires any less wrong. It just made him see the big picture.

He flinched, closing his eyes. Riley had dissapeared. Replaced by Spike. He saw him fight with Buffy. Saw how she kissed him in the middle of the fight, how they had sex while the house they were in collapsed around them. They didn't seem to notice. It sickened him to see it, because he didn't regonize Buffy anymore. And because he felt her emotions. He felt her desperation, her loathing wirh herself and for the vampire she was using. It was depressing, but he forced himself to watch, to understand. 

He found himself in the big room again, all doors closed. He still couldn't believe what he had seen, a fast trip trough Buffy's lovelife. It had been fascinating, it helped him understand her better. He wondered if this was it, if this had been what Angel wanted him to see. But another door already opened, he hadn't seen enough.

He got up, facing yet another room, he also faced the First Slayer. She took his hand and he was in a cemetary and he saw Buffy's first fight. He felt her fear and the confusion. So simular to what he had felt when he first found out about the darker things in life. He saw her important battles, her fight with the Master, against Angelus, The Mayer, Adam, and eventually her fight against Glory. Which ended in dead. He felt her determination when she made the jump. He cried when he felt what Heaven had been like for her. It was peaceful, warm. He screamed when he worked himself out of the grave with her. Understanding how hard that had been.

He needed to sit down, he had seen too much. It was too much. The First Slayer let go of his hand and he was back in the big room again.

He knew that he was almost there, that the journey was almost over. The last door openend. 

Walking in, he saw himself...

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Facing a mirror

Xander didn't know what to say, he had expected a lot when he faced the last room. He didn't expect to see himself. And he didn't know what to do, was he supposed to come in ? Should he talk to himself  ? He was lost. He looked at himself again and noticed that the other Xander was younger than he was himself. The younger Xander stepped aside, letting him into the room. Xander decided he needed to say something.

'Ehhh, hi...me, listen, do you think I could...I mean... you could tell me where I am, what I'm doing here ?'

The boy looked at him and smiled. Pointing to a big wall. 'Look', he said. Xander looked a the wall and he saw himself, again. Picking up a book.. He remembered this day, it was the day he met Buffy. He turned around to ask his younger self why he got to see this but the kid was nowhere to be seen. Instead a chair had appeared and he figured that he was supposed to watch this. He sat down, reluctantly. He saw Buffy walking in the hall when somebody chrashed into her, not stopping to help her pick up her books. He saw how he rushed over there and helped her. Smiling at her while he did that. The second he did that he felt the pespective on the screen change, he wasn't looking at both of them anymore. He was looking at himself, through Buffy's eyes. He looked at himself the way she saw him, and he could only feel her feelings...

_Buffy looked at the boy infront of her, who smiled nervously. He then asked her if he could have her, realising his mistake he quickly changed that into help her. But the damage had already been done, she thought that he was cute. Not in a 'I wanna have you too' way, but still cute._

Xander watched the screen, feeling that Buffy had found him cute. It kinda hurt. He had found her amazing, while she found him 'cute'. The image on the wall changed and he saw himself giving her a bracelet, feeling that Buffy had been flattered, but not really moved. Simply not thinking of him like that. Next he saw himself asking her out, he still remembered that day vividly, and the pain it had caused. This time he felt her pain, pain for the knowledge that she was hurting her best friend. But she was also angry at herself, because she couldn't love him while she knew that he would be good for her. Xander was suprised by her anger, suprised by the fact that her head had wanted to be with him, while her heart had belonged to Angel at that time. The scene faded away, replaced by a black screen...

_Buffy was drifting away, going into infinity when she suddenly felt air being pumped into her lungs. She also heard a voice, still very distant, but she could hear him call out her name. Begging her to come back to him. Another breath of air entered her body, it warmed her. Made her feel alive again, and suddenly she saw the Master. How he had killed her, how he walked among the living now. She had to stop him. Slowly she opened her eyes, blinking when she made out Xander's face right in front of her. Thoughts of the Master left her mind for a couple of seconds, she was intriged by this boy before her. By the love she saw in his eyes and the peace she felt while looking at him. She said his name. 'Xander.' He saved her, gave her life again. Right that moment she knew that something had changed, she pushed that thought out of her head. She had more important things to worry about, than she saw Angel. And the peaceful feeling she had felt while looking at Xander dissapeared, replaced by the dangerous feelings of excitement she always felt when she saw Angel._

Xander was suprised again, she had felt something when he brought her back to life. Feelings not strong enough to take her heart away from Angel. But feelings too strong for friendship. He wanted to think about it some more when another image appeared on the wall. The day he still dreamed about some times, wondering about what could have happened. They were in the mortuarium, he slowly pulled her up. He could feel her desperation, her disappointment in herself, her longing for the Angel she had known and the hatred she felt for the demon he had become. It was all there while she hugged him, clinging to him desperately. He felt her feelings change when she looked at him, she had a sudden urge to kiss him, to take comfort in him. And while she knew that her feelings came from the pain she was feeling, a part of her really wanted him. Lusted for him. It shocked her to the bone and she pulled herself away from him. Blocking her feelings for him yet again.

Xander watched in his chair and just smiled, he had known that she felt something for him that day and now he finally knew that he had been right. It hadn't been his imagination. He now saw a lot of images, flashing before his eyes. Them walking down the hall while he made her laugh. Them talking in the cemetry. Them sitting on the couch at Giles his place, talking about Belgium. The fight they had at her welcome home party. Him cheering her up after leaving Willy's when she realised that it was going to be hard to find the First Evil and save Angel from it. The faith she had in him in the battle against the mayer. He saw it all and he felt what she felt for him. Her trust in him, her loyalty to him, her love for him. All in a friendly way, but still mixed with the lust she had felt before. It wasn't on the surface and she had blocked it very well, but it was there. And he felt it...

He was sitting there, grinning like a fool. He still had now idea where he was and how he was going to get out of here, but he was starting to understand Buffy better. He knew her fears, and for the first time he realised that she wasn't as tough as he always thought she had been. She was the slayer and his hero, but most of all... she was human. She wasn't somebody out of his reach, she was just like him. He turned his attention to the screen again. He saw the Bronze...

Buffy had never felt so down in her life. She had such high expectations of college, but so far it sucked. She found it too big, too scary. She missed her old life, she had been scared plenty in that life too, but everything had been a bit easier. Willow hadn't been so busy, she didn't have a roommate who liked Celine Dion and Giles had been in the liberary, nearby. She had had her friends, her Scooby gang. And now it all felt different. The Scooby gang wasn't even complet..., She missed Xander, wondering when he would be coming home. She was taken away from her thoughts when she heard a familiar voice behind her. Xander ! He was back. She turned around, hugging him. After talking for a bit he sensed that something was wrong. She smiled, he always knew. He really was a lot smarter than everybody, including her, gave him credit for. During his peptalk she looked at him. Realising again how much she had missed him, that smile, his eyes and his ability to talk nonsense and make her smile. When he called her his 'hero', she wanted to cry. She had needed this, she had needed him. To feel like Buffy again. That somehow always felt easier around him.

Xander was touched by the influence he had on her. For the first time in his life he began to see that Buffy needed her friends just as much as he needed them. He watched the next images, them finding out that Spike had been made harmless, the fight against Adam. He saw a lot of it, but he felt the distance between them. The lonelyness, they had been drifting apart. Life had come between them, love had come between them. Riley, Anya. And he felt that she had missed him just as much as he had missed her. In the end the connection between them had gotten stronger because of it.

He saw himself talking to her about Riley leaving. At that time he had wanted her to be happy, and he believed that Riley was the one to do that for her. He could feel her suprise at the way he was talking to her, the doubt he was casting in her. But he also felt saddness, she was sad because he wanted her to be with Riley, she felt a bit betrayed. Like she really lost him now. But, like the other times, she quickly dismissed the feelings.

Before Xander could comprehend what this meant he saw the site where Buffy had died. For real this time. He heard her talk to Dawn. Saw her jump into the portal...

Buffy needed to do this. For Dawn, she was her blood, her sister. Her only family after her mother died. Diving into the portal she knew that she was going to die too. She would miss Dawn so much. She wanted to see her grow up, but she wouldn't see that. She had another destiny. She had to die in order to let everyone live. She did this for Willow,Tara,Giles, Anya, Angel. She loved them all so much. Hell, she even did it for Spike. She panicked when her body hit the portal. This was it. Images flashed before her eyes. Her mother, her sister, her friends, Xander... Before she could understand why she hadn't thought of him before, it was over. His image was the last one on her mind, then her body hit the ground.

Xander couldn't move, he couldn't do anything at all. He just sat there. He had often wondered what had gone through her mind those last couple of seconds. And he had found comfort in the fact that he knew that he had been in her thoughts. Just like Willow and Giles were. Now he had to deal with the fact that he had been the last thing on her mind. Not Angel, not Spike, not even Dawn. Him. It was too much, he needed to think about this. Clear his head, get out of here. But when he tried to get up he couldn't. There was still one more thing he had to see...

He saw Buffy talk to his green demon friend. Wishing that Spike never loved her. He saw her wishing that he had never met Anya. He felt her confusion the next morning. Her fear while they drove to LA. He wasn't talking to her, and she feared that he would stay mad at her forever. He saw her talk with Lorne, he heared her deny she was in love with him several times. Then he felt understanding wash over her. Like she had been living in denial for too long and she just couldn't lie any longer. He saw himself on stage in Lorne's club, singing. And now he understood why he had felt so strange watching her watching him. She had been struggling with her new feelings. Feeling love take over while looking at him, but still not believing it.

He smiled when he felt her desperation after she found out she had to share a room with him. Felt how hard it had been to control these new feelings of wanting him. He saw how she woke up and just watched him, touching him. Wishing that she could wake up like this every morning.

It overwelmed him. He wasn't used to people thinking much of him. And he couldn't understand the intensity of the love she felt for him. He did regonize the feeling, he felt the same way about her. But he would have never thought that anybody was capable of feeling the same thing.

He saw them fighting infront of her door, after he found out she had slept with Spike. She had been devastated by the look in his eyes, by his words. He really had broken her world, and he never really knew that until now.

He tried to get up again, this time the chair let him go. He needed to get out of here. Needed to go to her, to take away that overwelming pain she was feeling. When he turned around his younger self was there again. He spoke to him.

'Do you understand now ? Do you see what you are to her ?'

He just nodded. The younger Xander gave him his trademark grin.

'It's time for you to go. You must remember what you were learned here.'

Xander grinned at the somewhat formal way his younger self was talking to him. Then his world went black again...

Morlakeka's crypt. (3.25 PM)

Xander woke up, finding himself in the crypt of the demon. When he looked up he saw Angel and Morlakeka standing right infront of him. Angel was the first one to speak.

'Are you oke ?'

Xander got up. Looking at his watch,  he realized that he had been gone for only ten minutes.

'What the hell happened here ?'

Angel sighed.

'I better explain... Right ?'

Xander just looked at him. 

'Duh', he said.

'Oke, this demon here is an old...friend from my Angelus days. He has the power to kinda enter people's essence.'

Xander was already lost.

'Enter people's essence ?'

'You could say he can enter somebody's brain. He can find out what makes people who they are. Experiences that were important to them, people that are important to them. He also has the power to share what he feels with human beings.'

'So, I just been in Buffy's brain. I've seen what's important to her. What made her who she is today ?'

'Yes.'

Xander laughed.

'Oke, so you say that. How do I know that I really saw her. How can you prove that I really saw Buffy's essence ?'

Angel looked at him.

'I can't prove that. But I think you don't need prove. I think you know I'm telling you the truth.'

Xander took the time to let that sink in. Thinking about all that he had seen. And all the things he had seen that Angel and this demon couldn't possibly know. Things even he didn't  know about.Things only Buffy could know.

Angel saw that Xander was slowly accepting that he was telling the truth. He just hoped that this had been enough to convince Xander that he needed to be with Buffy. Again he smiled at the irony of it all. Never in a million years would he have thought that he would come up with ways to get Buffy and Xander together.

Xander suddenly thought of something.

'I don't get this power. Why did he show me this ? And in what way is this a helpfull power for a demon ?'

'He owed me a favor. I saved his life once. As to answer your last question. He uses his power to get to know his victims. Then he kills all that are important to this person. He breaks them. By killing there loved ones, he takes the soul of his victim. Little piece by piece.'

'Really Angel, you have charming friends.'

'I know.'

Suddenly Xander got mad.

'Wait a minute, you idiot !! You let a demon take a look into the essence of the slayer ? Are you crazy, he knows what will kill her now !'

Angel nodded. 'I know', he said. Before Xander could say anything more Angel made a sudden move at the demon. Kicking him to the ground. He took his head between his hands and broke his neck. 

'Done.'

Xander just shook his head.

'You scare me sometimes.'

Angel smiled when he told him that.

'Are you ready to go Xander ?'

'Yeah.'

Once outside, the vampire looked at the boy.

'What did you see ?'

'Her family, friends, her old lovers, her battles, me.'

Angel knew by the look in Xander's eyes that he had seen some pretty earthshattering stuff. But he wanted to ask anyway.

'Did you...Was..Did...'

Xander interrupted.

'Yeah, I saw you too.'

'So, what are you going to do now ?'

Xander didn't need to think about it.

'I'm going to see her.'

He walked away. But stopped to wait for the vampire. A huge smile on his face.

'She loves me you know.'

Tbc...


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Two wishes (15/15)

Author: Joyce

Rating: G

Spoilers: Nothing really big.

Note:

Hey guys, I kinda lost the urge to write for a while, all those messages about Spike and Buffy were kinda depressing me. I cheered up when I read that Joss had planned for Buffy and Xander to be together in the long run. Not that we are ever going to see it, cause we all know that Joss doens't really run the show anymore. All the Spuffy writers do. 

Anyway, avoiding a rant here, it made me realise that I hadn't imagine the spark there has been between Buffy and Xander in the first seasons. So, this chapter got kinda inspired by the knowledge that the creator of Buffy is also a B/X shipper. 

I hope you guys like it, and if you don't, well don't worry... This is the last chapter !! At least, of this story...

Chapter 15

Wishes can come true 

Sunnydale CA

Restfield cemetary (3.45 PM)

Angel had big trouble keeping up with Xander, it almost seemed like he flew back to Buffy's house. Apparantly love can make you outrun a vampire.

'Xander, c'mon man. Slow down a bit !'

Xander looked behind him, almost laughing when he realised that he was outrunning Angel. He quickly came back to earth however, the vampire was probably just holding back.

'I need to see Buffy, let's go man.'

Angel stopped him.

'Look, don't get me wrong, I know this is what I wanted...but I don't get it. I mean...are you sure that you forgave Buffy for everything, including Spike, cause if you're not...'

Xander interrupted.

'I will never truly forgive Buffy for sleeping with him. She was wrong, no matter what. I do however understand why she did it. You see, when I entered her brain I saw them having sex. I felt what she felt. She was scared, confused, alone, and she made a mistake. We all make mistakes, so I'm willing to see past it. I mean...I don't really have a right to judge her, I don't own her because I love her. And it's not like we were together at the time, but it's just.. she hurt me. It scared me to think that she could do such a thing, I felt like..like...'

'Like you didn't know who she was anymore ?'

Xander nodded.

'Yeah, I guess you can understand that. You must have been pretty shocked too when you heard about it.'

'I was, I still am. But I do believe that she really regrets it.'

'I know, if I wasn't sure about that I wouldn't go over there right now.' 

Angel had to ask.

'So, you really believe that she loves you ?'

'I do, I felt what she feels for me. She loves me, and that gives me the strenght to deal with the Spike thing. It still pains me when I think about them...together. But I'm not scared that she doesn't love me, that she's using me to keep her mind off Spike. You see, I was, that is why I couldn't accept that she loved me. I couldn't have her and than lose her again. To Spike of all people...'

'I can understand that...'

'I just have to accept that this thing with Spike happened and move on. Start fresh with her. Don't get me wrong..I'm not saying that we'll be together forever, but I do know now that she wants to be with me. Not because of you or Spike or anybody else. But because of who _I_ am. It's kinda mindblowing...but it feels good to finally really believe that.'

Angel had to admit that he was impressed and kinda moved.

'You know, this is starting to freak me out. If we're not careful I might actually begin to kinda like you.'

Xander started walking again.

'We can't have that, let's go.'

'Yeah, no need to change a perfectly good relationship.'

'Right, why would we start liking each other if we can have more fun doing the hate thing.'

'I'm with you buddy.'

'Don't call me buddy !'

'Well excuse me for bringing some light in the conversation. You big baby.'

'Like you know anything about babies, you haven't been one for over two century's.'

'Oh, the old 'you're a vampire joke.' Now that's original !'

'I'm getting a lesson in originality from the guy whose been brooding forever and never wears anything that isn't black and depressing. Are you kidding me ?'

'Are you, _of all people_, giving me fashion advice... Cause you are really the last person on earth who...'

The two kept ranting until they reached their destination.

Sunnydale CA,

Buffy's house (3.55 PM)

Buffy was sound asleep, when she suddenly heard a loud bang coming from downstairs. She got up in a instant, living on a Hellmouth had taught her that you couldn't ignore loud noises in the middle of the night. She relaxed somewhat when she remembered that Angel was downstairs, but that didn't stop her from getting out of bed to see what was going on.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw Lorne cleaning up what was left from her favorite table. It was shattered, broken into a lot of different pieces.

'What the hell did you do to my table ?'

'Ehh, well you see, ehh...I got of the couch cause I had to well...you know, do my thing in the little room of the house... And when I came back I thought I saw something on the table. It looked big, and well, this being the Hellmouth and all I kinda decided to ehh...jump it. I mean..you never know... it could have been a demon.'

'You jumped on my table because there might have been a demon sitting on it ?'

'If you say it like that it sounds kinda lame...'

'You think ! So, tell me, 'oh defender of my table', where is this demon now ?'

'It wasn't really a demon, ehh...I sort of, kinda, forgot that I put my luggage on the table.'

'So you broke my favorite table and scared the hell out of me in the middle of the night to jump on your luggage ?'

'In a nuttshell, yeah.'

Buffy had to fight her smile and looked around the room.

'Where's Angel ?'

'He went out after you went upstairs. He told me I couldn't come with him, that he be back before sunrise. Although that last part was kind of a given considering the source if you ask me.'

'Where did he go ?'

The door of her house opened and when she turned around she saw Xander, letting himself in with his key. Followed by Angel.

'Xander, Angel ?'

Xander just waved, not really sure what to say to her now that he was standing right infront of her. He hadn't expected her to be the first thing he saw once he entered the house, since it was four in the night. But with Buffy you could never be sure of course. Angel cleared his throat.

'Look Buff, I'm sorry, I know you told me to stay out of this, but I just needed to go see him. To show him what he means to you.'

Buffy just stared at Angel.

'You showed Xander what he means to me... Oke I can't think of anything right now that isn't really gross.'

Xander quickly interrupted.

'No, no, not like that ! God no ! He showed me your essence.'

Angel looked at him like he was crazy.

'Somehow I doubt that saying that I showed you her essence will take her mind out of the gutter.'

'Not really no.'

Xander tried again.

'You don't get it. Angel knew a guy who could enter somebody's brain. I've been in your brain.'

'Oke, now I only have one word. What ?'

'I saw you, I felt your feelings.'

Buffy turned to Angel.

'What did you do to him ?'

Angel decided that he could probably explain the whole thing a lot faster without Buffy being distracted by Xander, so he took her into the kitchen to explain what he and Xander had done for the last couple of hours. Xander stayed behind, looking at Lorne and what had been the livingroom table.

'Oh crap, I've got to spend a couple of hours fixing a table that doens't want to be fixed again. What came by tonight and broke Buffy's table ?'

'My luggage...'

Xander didn't even try to make sense of it.

'You are one strange demon, my man.'

Lorne sat down on the couch.

'So, are you here for the happily ever after end ?'

Xander shook his head.

'No, I'm here for the chance of becoming happy. We'll see what happens from there.'

'You know, you are a lot smarter than Angel always described you to be.'

Xander grinned.

'A piece of wood would probably be smarter than Angel's description of me.'

'Good point...'

They were interrupted by Buffy and Angel, coming back from the kitchen. Buffy smiled at Angel.

'Thanks, for everything. But could you be so kind to take yourself and Lorne out of this room. Me and Xand need to talk. Alone.'

'Your wish is my command my lady. Lorne, let's go. We are going to look at Buffy's basement.'

Lorne winked at the vampire.

'That could be exciting...'

'You are one strange demon, just follow me.'

' That's what Xander just told me. Great mind think alike I guess.'

 Angel didn't even bother to repley and left the room. Lorne right behind him. Buffy and Xander were left alone. Neither knowing what to say or where to begin...

Sunnydale CA,

Buffy's house (4.15 PM)

Buffy and Xander were still staring at each other, both uncomfortable. Buffy was the first to gather her courage.

'Ehh, Xand, eventually we will have to say something.'

He just nodded. She smiled.

'And why don't I start. Oke, where do I begin. Uhm, I find it a bit creepy that you have been inside my brain. At the same time I'm jealous, not of you entering my brain, cause well I can do that anytime I want. It's just that you know so much of me now, and it kinda makes me wanna get to know you in the same way.'

'You already know everything there is to know Buff.'

'No, I don't. Cause I still don't get why you needed a trip inside my brain to convince yourself of the fact that I love you.'

'Not to be cruel, but you haven't exactly giving me any indication in the last couple of years that you loved me that way. I mean, I'm not talking about your friendship love, I was always sure of that.  But the romantical love is an whole other matter, that ship had sailed, I had moved on. So it was hard to grasp that all of a sudden you loved me, especially with the news from Spike right after I found out.'

'I guess I can understand a bit. It was hard for me to understand that I loved you too. It took me by suprise and at the same time it didn't. I admit that I never really gave much thought about you in the romatical sense of the word, mostly because I was too busy with doomed relationships. But at the same time I never saw you and Willow in the same way, and not just because Willow is a girl and you are a boy. You were both my best friends, but Willow was just that to me. You were always a bit different, you were my best friend who could all of a sudden look very hot. And not from any heat, just from stretching the right way, or smiling the right smile. I just always labeled these feelings to be friendly, even though I never saw any nice stretching in Willow.'

A lustful smile appeared on Xander's face.

'Too bad, that could have been something else.'

Buffy gave him a glare.

'Do you want me to finish this talk ?'

'Carry on.'

'Right, like I was saying. I can't really explain why I love you all of a sudden. I just know that I do, and that it is real hard for me to understand that there was a time that I didn't love you. It just doesn't make sense anymore cause loving you is so easy. I'm not used to that. I'm used to painfull love, like with Angel. Or love I forced myself to feel, which happened with Riley. This scared me, cause it's my first experience with adult love. Angel was my first love, something I had to experience in order to appreciate what I have now.'

'Buff, I believe you, you don't need to explain yourself.'

'You don't get it, I want to. I want to erase any doubts you might still have. I have to make you understand that I'm not in love with you because I can't be with Angel or because Riley walked out on me. And I'm certaintly not in love with you because I want to deny feelings for Spike. I have no feelings for him, he makes me feel dead inside, which is why I was drawn to him. With him I could block all my feelings, and that was just what I wanted.'

'I'm so sorry I didn't see the pain you were in Buff.'

'Don't be. You did see it, and you did try to help me. I just didn't want any help. I guess I had to fall real deep in order to understand that I really was glad that I was alive again. Anyway, we are getting of topic here. I don't want to talk about Spike, he's not important. You are. I love _you_. Because you never left my side, because you're always honest with me. Because you make me laugh, because of your courage. When it comes to battling the evil we fight, you don't have the psychical strenght we all have. But you still risk your life almost every night, for the people you love. Mentally you're the strongest of us all.

But do you wanna know what I love most about you ? The fact that I can always come to you when I don't know who I am anymore. Because you always remind me that I'm alowed to make mistakes, that I don't need to be perfect. In your eyes I can always find the evidence that you'll love me no matter what. I know it sounds incredibly mushy, but I need you to be myself. Because that is always so much harder when you're not around.'

Xander was silent, caputured by her words. By how she looked at him, by her honesty.

'Wow.'

'I wasn't even finished because I also wanted to add that you are a fine piece of eye candy. At least that is how Dawn describes you, I just second that opinion.'

He had to laugh.

'You don't look so bad yourself either.'

'Thank you, that must be the greatest compliment I ever recieved.'

'I aim to please you.'

'That's so nice to know...'

Xander changed the subject before he completly forget what he wanted to tell her, especially with that look she had in her eyes.

'Stop looking at my candy Buff, I want to tell you some stuff too.'

'Go right ahead.'

He paused for a brief second, searching her eyes, locking them with his.

'I love you. And that suprised me a great deal. Even though I was used to the feelings, unlike you they weren't new to me. I had loved you before, but I really had put that past me in the last couple of years. I want you to know that because it is important to me that you know that I really loved Anya. A part of me will always love her, just like a part of you will always love Angel. She gave me so much and I will always be her friend for that.

Only in the end you won, because I couldn't do anything then surrender to you. Anya told me that you came back to haunt me and you really did. I fell in love with you all over again, no matter how hard I tried to fight it. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that we could never work, that I had a girlfriend who I wanted to marry. It wasn't enough, because the only thing that could ever be enough for me is you. I could have been happy with Anya, just like you could have been happy with Riley. But with you... with you I can be complete. You need me to feel like yourself, I need you to feel like me. I could be Xander without you, but I could never be the Xander I want to be without you.'

She had tears in her eyes, and he closed the distance between them. Brushing her tears away with his tumbs. Eventually she began to laugh, and Xander was a bit confused.

'I pour my heart out and you laugh, you are weird Buffy Summers.'

She tried to explain.

'I was just thinking that we just exchanged the most romantical 'I love you's' when we haven't even kissed once. What if we suck at the kissing thing, let alone other things. That would be a big bummer.'

He looked a bit offended.

'I'll have you know that kissing me and other things would never be a bummer. Thank you very much. I happen to be very skilled in both areas.'

Her laughter died and she looked up at him, very serious.

'Prove it to me...'

'I was beginning to think you would never ask.'

Their first kiss was soft, both exploring each other. Getting used to the new feelings. It steadily grew till eventually they had to part. Searching for breath.

'Gotta hand it to you Xand, that wasn't a bummer at all. That was...well...pretty amazing.'

His face lit up in a proud smile.

'You ain't seen nothing yet, I could take you to places you have never seen.'

'I bet you could, but one thing. Lose the macho talk, that never turns a girl on.'

'That wasn't macho talk, that was the truth honey.'

She laughed at his joke.

'I liked that.'

'You see, you'll get used to me being all macho.'

'Not that you big goof, you calling me honey. I liked that.'

'Good, I liked saying it.'

It seemed like they had no other choice but to kiss again. They broke apart when they heard somebody clear their throat, followed by giggles. Willow and Dawn were standing behind them, both sleepy, but with huge smiles on their faces. 

'You know guys, I feel a bit left out. Since we're best friends here I feel like you're sharing something I can't participate in.'

The same lustful smile appeared on Xander's face.

'Willow, you are welcome to join us anytime you want. Just say the word.'

Buffy gave him a light punch.

'Don't make me dump you before we officialy get together.'

He put his hands up in deffence.

'I was just trying to make her feel better.'

Willow smiled at their bantering. Seeing how happy they both where. Meanwhile Dawn just stared at Xander and her sister. Finally she spoke.

'You know what, you guys have my permission.'

The new couple looked a litle confused. So she continued.

'That is my job as a sister. I approve Buffy's boyfriends, she approves mine.'

Buffy raised an eyebrow.

'Since when do we do that ?'

Her little sister grinned.

'I just started the tradition. But I gotta say that this was a hard call, since your new boyfriend was my first crush and all. But hey, if I can't have him then you might as well take him.'

Her older sister gave her a hug.

'You're a big nut, but thanks for your permission anyway.'

Willow pouted.

'Hey, I'm giving my permission too you know ?'

Laughing, Buffy hugged her best friend too. When she looked at Xander he gave her the most beautiful smile she ever seen on him.

'What ?'

'Your sister just called me your boyfriend. I liked that.'

She repeated his earlier words.

'Good, cause I liked hearing somebody call you that.'

Willow looked at her best friends.

'Are you guys going to be all mushy on each other from now on ? Because if you are I might take my permission back.'

They both laughed. Buffy answered.

'No, we are not going to be all over each other all the time. But this is just new and exciting. You know how that is ?'

Willow nodded.

Yeah, I still remember. I envy you guys a bit.'

Xander walked over to his best friend.

'You know your still my Willow, right ?'

'Right.'

Dawn yawned and the girls decided that they were going back to bed. There would be plenty of time to talk in the morning. Buffy wrapped her arms around Xander's waist.

'So apart from loving the new and exciting feelings, where do we go from here ?'

'We try and be as happy as we can be. What do you say ?'

She rested her head on his chest.

'I say that's a plan.'

'Good, now let's sleep together.'

She remembered when she asked him that the night they shared that motelroom in LA.

'I would like very much to sleep with you.'

She yawned. He smiled.

'Then that's what we'll do...sleep. We have plenty of time for all the other things.'

She nodded, taking his hand, guiding him to her bedroom. He was right, they would have more nights like this. She smiled, feeling happy and very much alive.

THE END

Oke, I know mega fluff, but I just needed to get it out of my systeem. Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. For now...That's all folks !!

  
  



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